"Madness" was one of the qualities and he shouted: "I want to count, I
want to count!"
And since nobody was crazy enough to want to seek "Madness", all the
other qualities agreed. So "Madness" leaned against a tree and started
to
count: "One, two,three..."
As "Madness" counted, the qualities went hiding.
"Treason" hid in a pile of garbage..
"Lie" said that it would hide under a stone, but hid at the bottom of
the lake. And Madness continued to count "... seventy nine, eighty,
eighty one..." By this time, all the qualities were already hidden
except "Love ". For stupid as "Love" is, he could not decide where to
hide. And this should not surprise us, because we all know how
difficult it is to hide "Love".
"Madness": "...ninety five, ninety six, ninety seven..." Just when
"Madness" got to one hundred........."Love" jumped into a rose bush
where he hid.
And Madness turned around and shouted: "I'm coming, I'm coming!"
As Madness turned around, "Laziness" was the first to be found,
because "Laziness" was too lazy to hide. "Madness" searched madly and
found "Lie" at the bottom of the lake. One by one, Madness found them
all except Love. Madness was getting desperate, unable to find Love.
Envious of Love, "Envy" whispered to "Madness" "You only need to find
Love, and Love is hiding in the rose bush."
"Madness" Jumped on the rose bush and he heard loud cry. The thorns in
the bush had pierced "Loves" eyes. Hearing the commotion God came into
the room and saw what had happened. He got very angry and cursed
"Madness" and said since "Love" has become blind because of u ...u
shall always be with him" And so it came about that from that day on,
"Love is blind and is always accompanied by Madness!
Sunday 31 October 2010
Tuesday 12 January 2010
National Youth Day - 12th January
National Youth Day
In 1984, the Government of India declared and decided to observe the Birthday of Swami Vivekananda(12 January, according to the English calendar) as National Youth Day every year from 1985 onwards. To quote from the Government of India's Communication, ‘It was felt that the philosophy of Swamiji and the ideals for which he lived and worked could be a great source of inspiration for the Indian Youth.
Swami Vivekananda
Swami Vivekananda(January 12, 1863–July 4, 1902), born Narendranath Dutta[2]is the chief disciple of the 19th century mystic Sri Ramakrishna Paramahamsa and the founder of Ramakrishna Mission.[3]He is considered a key figure in the introduction of Vedantaand Yogain Europeand America[3]and is also credited with raising interfaith awareness, bringing Hinduismto the status of a world religion during the end of the 19th century.[4]Vivekananda is considered to be a major force in the revivalof Hinduismin modern India.[5]He is best known for his inspiring speech beginning with "sisters and brothers of America",[6][7]through which he introduced Hinduism at the Parliament of the World's Religions at Chicagoin 1893.[2]
* Swami Vivekananda was born in an aristocratic Kayasthafamily of Calcuttain 1863. His parents influenced the Swami's thinking – the father by his rationalmind and the mother by her religioustemperament. From his childhood, he showed inclination towards spiritualityand God realization. While searching for a man who could directly demonstrate the reality of God, he came to Ramakrishna and became his disciple. As a guru, Ramakrishna taught him Advaita Vedantaand that all religions are true, and service to man was the most effective worship of God. After the death of his Guru, Vivekananda became a wandering monk, touring the Indian subcontinentand getting a first-hand account of India's condition. He later sailed to Chicagoand represented India as a delegate in the 1893 Parliament of World Religions. An eloquent speaker, Vivekananda was invited to several forums in United Statesand spoke at universities and clubs. He conducted several public and private lectures, disseminating Vedanta, Yogaand Hinduismin America, England and a few other countries in Europe. He also established Vedanta societiesin Americaand England. He later sailed back to India and in 1897 he founded the Ramakrishna Math and Ramakrishna Mission, a philanthropic and spiritual organization. Swami Vivekananda is regarded as one of India's foremost nation-builders. His teachings influenced the thinking of other national leaders and philosophers, like Mahatma Gandhi, Jawaharlal Nehru, Subhas Chandra Bose, Aurobindo Ghosh, Sarvepalli Radhakrishnan.
Birth and Childhood
Bhuvaneshwari Devi (1841-1911).
"I am indebted to my mother for the efflorescence of my knowledge."[9]—Vivekananda
Swami Vivekananda was born in Shimla Pally, Calcutta at 6:33 a.m on Monday, 12 January 1863, during the eve of Makra Sankrantifestival[10]and was given the name Narendranath Datta.[11]His father Vishwanath Datta was an attorneyof Calcutta High Court. He was considered generous, and had a liberal and progressive outlook in social and religious matters.[12]His mother Bhuvaneshwari Devi was pious and had practiced austerities and prayed to Vireshwar Shivaof Varanasito give her a son. She reportedly had a dream in which Shiva rose from his meditationand said that he would be born as her son.[10]
Narendranath's thinking and personality were influenced by his parents—the father by his rational mind and the mother by her religious temperament.[8][13]From his mother he learnt the power of self-control.[13]One of the sayings of his mother Narendra quoted often in his later years was, "Remain pure all your life; guard your own honor and never transgress the honor of others. Be very tranquil, but when necessary, harden your heart."[11]He was reportedly adept in meditation and could reportedly enter the state of samadhi.[13]He reportedly would see a light while falling asleep and he reportedly had a vision of Buddhaduring his meditation.[14]During his childhood, he had a great fascination for wandering ascetics and monks.[13]
Narendranath had varied interests and a wide range of scholarship in philosophy, history, the social sciences, arts, literature, and other subjects.[15]He evinced much interest in scriptural texts, Vedas, the Upanishads, Bhagavad Gita, Ramayana, Mahabharataand the Puranas. He was also well versed in classical music, both vocal and instrumental and is said to have undergone training under two Ustads, Beni Gupta and Ahamad Khan.[16]Since boyhood, he took an active interest in physical exercise, sports, and other organizational activities.[15]Even when he was young, he questioned the validity of superstitious customs and discrimination based on caste[17]and refused to accept anything without rational proof and pragmatic test.[8]
College and Brahmo Samaj
Narendranath started his education at home, later he joined the Metropolitan Institution of Ishwar Chandra Vidyasagarin 1871[18]and in 1879 he passed the entrance examination for Presidency College, Calcutta, entering it for a brief period and subsequently shifting to General Assembly's Institution.[19]During the course, he studied western logic, western philosophyand history of Europeannations.[17]In 1881 he passed the Fine Arts examination and in 1884 he passed the Bachelor of Arts.[20][21]
Narendranath is said to have studied the writings of David Hume, Immanuel Kant, Johann Gottlieb Fichte, Baruch Spinoza, Georg W. F. Hegel, Arthur Schopenhauer, Auguste Comte, Herbert Spencer, John Stuart Mill, and Charles Darwin.[22][23]Narendra became fascinated with the Evolutionismof Herbert Spencer, and translated Spencer’s book on Educationinto Bengali for Gurudas Chattopadhyaya, his publisher. Narendra also had correspondence with Herbert Spencer for some time.[24][25]Alongside his study of Western philosophers, he was thoroughly acquainted with Indian Sanskrit scriptures and many Bengali works.[23]According to his professors, student Narendranath was a prodigy. Dr. William Hastie, the principal of Scottish Church College, where he studied during 1881-84,wrote, "Narendra is really a genius. I have travelled far and wide but I have never come across a lad of his talents and possibilities, even in German universities, among philosophical students."[22]He was regarded as a srutidhara—a man with prodigious memory.[26][27]After a discussion with Narendranath, Dr. Mahendralal Sarkarreportedly said, "I could never have thought that such a young boy had read so much!"[28]
Narendranath became the member of a Freemason's lodge and the breakaway faction from the Brahmo Samaj led by Keshab Chunder Senanother Freemason.[19]His initial beliefs were shaped by Brahmo concepts, which include belief in a formless God and deprecation of the worship of idols.[29]Not satisfied with his knowledge of Philosophy, he wondered if God and religion could be made a part of one's growing experiences and deeply internalized. Narendra went about asking prominent residents of contemporary Calcutta whether they had come "face to face with God".[30]but could not get answers which satisfied him.[31]
His first introduction to Ramakrishnaoccurred in a literature class in General Assembly Institute, when he heard Principal Reverend W. Hastie lecturing on William Wordsworth's poem The Excursion and the poet's nature-mysticism.[32]In the course of explaining the word trancein the poem, Hastie told his students that if they wanted to know the real meaning of it, they should go to Ramakrishna of Dakshineswar. This prompted some of his students, including Narendranath to visit Ramakrishna.[19][33][34]
With Ramakrishna
Ramakrishna Paramahamsa
"The magic touch of the Master that day immediately brought a wonderful change over my mind. I was astounded to find that really there was nothing in the universe but God! … everything I saw appeared to be Brahman. … I realized that I must have had a glimpse of the Advaitastate. Then it struck me that the words of the scriptures were not false. Thenceforth I could not deny the conclusions of the Advaita philosophy."[35]
His meeting with Ramakrishna Paramahamsain November 1881 proved to be a turning point in his life.[36]About this meeting, Narendranath said, "He [Ramakrishna] looked just like an ordinary man, with nothing remarkable about him. He used the most simple language and I thought 'Can this man be a great teacher?'– I crept near to him and asked him the question which I had been asking others all my life: 'Do you believe in God, Sir?' 'Yes,' he replied. 'Can you prove it, Sir?' 'Yes.' 'How?' 'Because I see Him just as I see you here, only in a much intenser sense.' That impressed me at once. […] I began to go to that man, day after day, and I actually saw that religion could be given. One touch, one glance, can change a whole life."[36][37]
Even though Narendra did not accept Ramakrishna as his guru initially and revolted against his ideas, he was attracted by his personality and visited him frequently.[38]He initially looked upon on Ramakrishna's ecstasies and visions as, "mere figments of imagination",[8]"mere hallucinations".[39]As a member of Brahmo samaj, he revolted against idol worship and polytheism, and Ramakrishna's worship of Kali.[40]He even rejected the Advaitist Vedantismof identity with absolute as blasphemy and madness, and often made fun of the concept[39]
Though Narendra could not accept Ramakrishna and his visions, he could not neglect him either. It had always been in Narendra's nature to test something thoroughly before he would accept it. He tested Ramakrishna, who never asked Narendra to abandon reason, and faced all of Narendra's arguments and examinations with patience—"Try to see the truth from all angles" was his reply.[38]During the course of five years of his training under Ramakrishna, Narendra was transformed from a restless, puzzled, impatient youth to a mature man who was ready to renounce everything for the sake of God-realization. In time, Narendra accepted Ramakrishna as guru, and when he accepted, his acceptance was whole-hearted and with complete surrendering as disciple.[38]
In 1885 Ramakrishna suffered from throat cancerand he was shifted to Calcutta and later to Cossipore. Vivekananda and his brother disciplestook care of Ramakrishna during this final days. His spiritual education under Ramakrishna continued here. At Cossipore, Vivekananda reportedly experienced Nirvikalpa Samadhi.[41]During the last days of Ramakrishna, Vivekananda and some of the other disciples received the ochre monastic robes from Ramakrishna, which formed the first monastic order of Ramakrishna.[42]Vivekananda was taught that service to men was the most effective worship of God.[8][43]It is reported that when Vivekananda, doubted Ramakrishna's claim of avatara, Ramakrishna reportedly said, "He who was Rama, He who was Krishna, He himself is now Ramakrishna in this body."[44]During his final days, Ramakrishna asked Vivekananda to take care of other monastic disciples and in turn asked them to look upon Vivekananda as their leader.[45]Ramakrishna's condition worsened gradually and he expired in the early morning hours of August 16, 1886 at the Cossipore garden house. According to his disciples, this was Mahasamadhi.[45]
Baranagar Monastery
After the death of their master, the monastic disciples led by Vivekananda formed a fellowship at a half-ruined house at Baranagarnear the river Ganga, with the financial assistance of the householder disciples. This became the first Math or monasteryof the disciples who constituted the first Ramakrishna Order.[36]
The dilapidated house at Baranagorewas chosen because of its low rent and proximity to the Cossipore burning-ghat, where Ramakrishna was cremated. Narendra and other members of the Math often spent their time in meditation, discussing about different philosophies and teachings of spiritual teachers including Ramakrishna, Shankaracharya, Ramanuja, and Jesus Christ.[46]Narendra reminisced about the early days in the monastery as follows, "We underwent a lot of religious practice at Baranagore Math. We used to get up at 3:00 am and become absorbed in japaand meditation. What a strong spirit of dispassion we had in those days! We had no thought even as to whether the world existed or not"[46]In the early part of 1887, Narendra and eight other disciples took formal monastic vows. Narendra took the name of Swami Vividishananda.[47]
Parivrâjaka— Wandering monk
Swami Vivekananda's first photo as a Wandering monk at Jaipur.[48]
In 1888, Vivekananda left the monastery as a Parivrâjaka—the Hindu religious life of a wandering monk, "without fixed abode, without ties, independent and strangers wherever they go."[49]His sole possessions were a kamandalu (water pot), staff, and his two favorite books—Bhagavad Gitaand The Imitation of Christ.[50]Narendranath travelled the length and breadth of India for five years, visiting important centers of learning, acquainting himself with the diverse religious traditions and different patterns of social life.[51][52]He developed a sympathy for the suffering and poverty of the masses and resolved to uplift the nation.[51][53]Living mainly on Bhikshaor alms, Narendranath traveled mostly on foot and railway tickets bought by his admirers whom he met during the travels. During these travels he gained acquaintance and stayed with scholars, Dewans, Rajasand people from all walks of life—Hindus, Muslims, Christians, Pariahs (low caste workers), Government officials.[53]
Northern India
In 1888, he started his journey from Varanasi. At Varanasi, he met pandit and Bengali writer, Bhudev Mukhopadhyayand Trailanga Swami, a famous saint who lived in a Shiva temple. Here, he also met Babu Pramadadas Mitra, the noted Sanskrit scholar, to whom the Swami wrote a number of letters asking his advice on the interpretation of the Hindu scriptures.[54]After Varanasi he visited Ayodhya, Lucknow, Agra, Vrindaban, Hathrasand Rishikesh. At Hathrashe met Sharat Chandra Gupta, the station master who later became one of his earliest disciples as Sadananda.[55][56]Between 1888-1890, he visited Vaidyanath, Allahabad. From Allahabad, he visited Ghazipur where he met Pavhari Baba, a Advaita Vedanta ascetic who spent most of his time in meditation.[57]Between 1888-1890, he returned to Baranagore Math few times, because of ill health and to arrange for the financial funds when Balram Bose and Suresh Chandra Mitra, the disciples of Ramakrishna who supported the Mathhad expired.[56]
The Himalayas
In July 1890, accompanied by his brother monk, Swami Akhandananda, he continued his journey as a wandering monk and returned to the Mathonly after his visit to the West.[56][58]He visited, Nainital, Almora, Srinagar, Dehra Dun, Rishikesh, Hardwarand the Himalayas. During this travel, he reportedly had a vision of macrocosm and microcosm, which seems to be reflected in the Jnana Yoga lectures he gave later in the West, "The Cosmos—The Macrocosmand The Microcosm". During these travels, he met his brother monks —Swami Brahmananda, Saradananda, Turiyananda, Akhandananda, Advaitananda. They stayed at Meerutfor few days where they passed their time in meditation, prayer and study of scriptures. In the end of January 1891, the Swami left his brother monks and journeyed to Delhialone.[58][59]
[edit] Rajputana
At Delhi, after visiting historical places he journeyed towards Alwar, in the historic land of Rajputana. Later he journeyed to Jaipur, where he studied Panini's Ashtadhyayi from a Sanskrit scholar. He next journeyed to Ajmer, where he visited the palace of Akbar and the famous Dargahand left for Mount Abu. At Mount Abu, he met the Maharaja Ajit Singh of Khetri, who became his ardent devotee and supporter. He was invited to Khetri, where he delivered discourses to the Raja. At Khetri, he also became acquainted with Pandit Narayandas, and studied Mahabhashya on Sutras of Panini. After two and half months at Khetri, towards end of October 1891, he proceeded towards Rajasthanand Maharastra.[53][60]
Western India
Continuing his travels, he visited Ahmedabad, Wadhwan, Limbdi. At Ahmedabad he completed his studies of Mohammedanand Jainculture.[53]At Limbdi, he met Thakore Sahed Jaswant Singh who had himself been to England and America. From the Thakore Saheb, the Swami got the first idea of going to the West to preach Vedanta. He later visited Junagadh, Girnar, Kutch, Porbander, Dwaraka, Palitana, Baroda. At Porbander he stayed three quarters of a year, in spite of his vow as a wandering monk, to perfect his philosophical and Sanskrit studies with learned pandits; he worked with a court pandit who translated the Vedas.[53]
He later traveled to Mahabaleshwarand then to Pune. From Poona he visited Khandwaand Indorearound June 1892. At Kathiawarhe heard of the Parliament of the World's Religionsand was urged by his followers there to attend it. He left Khandwa for Bombay and reached there on July 1892. In a Punebound train he met Bal Gangadhar Tilak.[61]After staying with Tilak for few days in Poona,[62]the Swami travelled to Belgaumin October 1892. At Belgaum, he was the guest of Prof. G.S. Bhate and Sub-divisional Forest officer, Haripada Mitra. From Belgaum, he visited Panjimand Margaoin Goa. He spent three days in the Rachol Seminary, the oldest convent-college of theology of Goa where rare religious literature in manuscripts and printed works in Latinare preserved. He reportedly studied important Christian theological works here.[63]From Margao the Swami went by train to Dharwar, and from there directly to Bangalore, in Mysore State.[64]
Southern India
At Bangalore, the Swami became acquainted with Sir K. Seshadri Iyer, the Dewanof Mysore state, and later he stayed at the palace as guest of the Maharaja of Mysore, Shri Chamarajendra Wadiyar. Regarding Swami's learning, Sir Seshadri reportedly remarked, "a magnetic personality and a divine force which were destined to leave their mark on the history of his country." The Maharaja provided the Swami a letter of introduction to the Dewan of Cochin and got him a railway ticket.[65]
VivekanandaTemple on Vivekananda rock at Kanyakumari, India
From Bangalore, he visited Trichur, Kodungalloor, Ernakulam. At Ernakulam, he met Chattampi Swamikal, the guru of Narayana Guru in early December 1892.[66]From Ernakulam, he journeyed to Trivandrum, Nagercoiland reached Kanyakumarion foot during the Christmas Eve of 1892.[67]At Kanyakumari, the Swami reportedly meditated on the "last bit of Indian rock", famously known later as the Vivekananda Rock Memorialfor three days.[68]At Kanyakumari, Vivekananda had the "Vision of one India", also commonly called "The Kanyakumari resolve of 1892".[69]He wrote,
"At Cape Camorin sitting in Mother Kumari's temple, sitting on the last bit of Indian rock - I hit upon a plan: We are so many sanyasis wandering about, and teaching the people metaphysics-it is all madness. Did not our Gurudeva used to say, `An empty stomach is no good for religion?' We as a nation have lost our individuality and that is the cause of all mischief in India. We have to raise the masses."[69][70]
From Kanyakumari he visited Madurai, where he met Raja of Ramnad, Bhaskara Setupati, to whom he had a letter of introduction. The Raja became the Swami's disciple and urged him to go to the Parliament of Religions at Chicago. From Madurai, he visited Rameshwaram, Pondicherryand he travelled to Madras and here he met some his most devoted disciples, like Alasinga Perumal, G.G. Narasimhachari, who played important roles in collecting funds for Swami's voyage to America and later in establishing the Ramakrishna Mission in Madras. From Madras he travelled to Hyderabad. With the aid of funds collected by his Madras disciples and Rajas of Mysore, Ramnad, Khetri, Dewans, and other followers Vivekananda left for Chicago on 31 May 1893 from Bombay assuming the name Vivekananda—the name suggested by the Maharaja of Khetri.[71][72]
] First visit to the West
His journey to America took him through China, Japan, Canadaand he arrived at Chicago in July 1893.[73]But to his disappointment he learnt that no one without credentials from a bona fideorganization would be accepted as a delegate. He came in contact with Professor John Henry Wrightof Harvard University.[74]After inviting him to speak at Harvard and on learning of his not having credential to speak at the Parliament, Wright is quoted as having said, "To ask for your credentials is like asking the sun to state its right to shine in the heavens." Wright then addressed a letter to the Chairman in charge of delegates writing, "Here is a man who is more learned than all of our learned professors put together." On the Professor Vivekananda himself writes, "He urged upon me the necessity of going to the Parliament of Religions, which he thought would give an introduction to the nation."[75]
[edit] Parliament of World's Religions
Swami Vivekananda on the Platform of the Parliament of Religions
The Parliament of Religions opened on 11 September 1893 at the Art Institute of Chicago. On this day Vivekananda gave his first brief address. He represented India and Hinduism.[76]Though initially nervous, he bowed to Saraswati, the goddess of learning and began his speechwith, "Sisters and brothers of America!".[74][77]To these words he got a standing ovation from a crowd of seven thousand, which lasted for two minutes. When silence was restored he began his address. He greeted the youngest of the nations in the name of "the most ancient order of monks in the world, the Vedic order of sannyasins, a religion which has taught the world both tolerance and universal acceptance."[78]And he quoted two illustrative passages in this relation, from the Bhagavad Gita—"As the different streams having their sources in different places all mingle their water in the sea, so, O Lord, the different paths which men take, through different tendencies, various though they appear, crooked or straight, all lead to Thee!" and "Whosoever comes to Me, through whatsoever form, I reach him; all men are struggling through paths that in the end lead to Me."[78]Despite being a short speech, it voiced the spirit of the Parliament and its sense of universality.[78][79]
Dr. Barrows, the president of the Parliament said, "India, the Mother of religions was represented by Swami Vivekananda, the Orange-monk who exercised the most wonderful influence over his auditors."[77]He attracted widespread attention in the press, which dubbed him as the "Cyclonic monk from India". The New York Critique wrote, "He is an orator by divine right, and his strong, intelligent face in its picturesque setting of yellow and orange was hardly less interesting than those earnest words, and the rich, rhythmical utterance he gave them." The New York Heraldwrote, "Vivekananda is undoubtedly the greatest figure in the Parliament of Religions. After hearing him we feel how foolish it is to send missionariesto this learned nation."[80]The American newspapers reported Swami Vivekananda as "the greatest figure in the parliament of religions" and "the most popular and influential man in the parliament".[81]
He spokeseveral more times at the Parliament on topics related to Hinduism and Buddhism. The parliament ended on 27 September 1893. All his speeches at the Parliament had one common theme—Universality and stressed religious tolerance.[82]
Lecturing tours in America, England
"I do not come", said Swamiji on one occasion in America, "to convert you to a new belief. I want you to keep your own belief; I want to make the Methodista better Methodist; the Presbyteriana better Presbyterian; the Unitariana better Unitarian. I want to teach you to live the truth, to reveal the light within your own soul."[83]
After the Parliament of Religions, held in Sept. 1893 at The Art Institute of Chicago, Vivekananda spent nearly two whole years lecturing in various parts of eastern and central United States, appearing chiefly in Chicago, Detroit, Boston, and New York. By the spring of 1895, he was weary and in poor health, because of his continuous exertion.[84]After suspending his lecture tour, the Swami started giving free and private classes on Vedantaand Yoga. In June 1895, for two months he conducted private lectures to a dozen of his disciples at the Thousand Island Park. Vivekananda considered this to the happiest part of his first visit to America. He later founded the "Vedanta Societyof New York".[84]
During his first visit to America, he traveled to England twice—in 1895 and 1896.
Irishlady, who later became Sister Nivedita.[84]During his second visit in May 1896, while living at a house in Pimlico, the Swami met Max Müllera renowned Indologistat Oxford Universitywho wrote Ramakrishna's first biography in the West.[79]From England, he also visited other European countries. In Germany he met Paul Deussen, another famous Indologist.[86]
He also received two academic offers, the chair of Eastern Philosophyat Harvard University
...
In 1984, the Government of India declared and decided to observe the Birthday of Swami Vivekananda(12 January, according to the English calendar) as National Youth Day every year from 1985 onwards. To quote from the Government of India's Communication, ‘It was felt that the philosophy of Swamiji and the ideals for which he lived and worked could be a great source of inspiration for the Indian Youth.
Swami Vivekananda
Swami Vivekananda(January 12, 1863–July 4, 1902), born Narendranath Dutta[2]is the chief disciple of the 19th century mystic Sri Ramakrishna Paramahamsa and the founder of Ramakrishna Mission.[3]He is considered a key figure in the introduction of Vedantaand Yogain Europeand America[3]and is also credited with raising interfaith awareness, bringing Hinduismto the status of a world religion during the end of the 19th century.[4]Vivekananda is considered to be a major force in the revivalof Hinduismin modern India.[5]He is best known for his inspiring speech beginning with "sisters and brothers of America",[6][7]through which he introduced Hinduism at the Parliament of the World's Religions at Chicagoin 1893.[2]
* Swami Vivekananda was born in an aristocratic Kayasthafamily of Calcuttain 1863. His parents influenced the Swami's thinking – the father by his rationalmind and the mother by her religioustemperament. From his childhood, he showed inclination towards spiritualityand God realization. While searching for a man who could directly demonstrate the reality of God, he came to Ramakrishna and became his disciple. As a guru, Ramakrishna taught him Advaita Vedantaand that all religions are true, and service to man was the most effective worship of God. After the death of his Guru, Vivekananda became a wandering monk, touring the Indian subcontinentand getting a first-hand account of India's condition. He later sailed to Chicagoand represented India as a delegate in the 1893 Parliament of World Religions. An eloquent speaker, Vivekananda was invited to several forums in United Statesand spoke at universities and clubs. He conducted several public and private lectures, disseminating Vedanta, Yogaand Hinduismin America, England and a few other countries in Europe. He also established Vedanta societiesin Americaand England. He later sailed back to India and in 1897 he founded the Ramakrishna Math and Ramakrishna Mission, a philanthropic and spiritual organization. Swami Vivekananda is regarded as one of India's foremost nation-builders. His teachings influenced the thinking of other national leaders and philosophers, like Mahatma Gandhi, Jawaharlal Nehru, Subhas Chandra Bose, Aurobindo Ghosh, Sarvepalli Radhakrishnan.
Birth and Childhood
Bhuvaneshwari Devi (1841-1911).
"I am indebted to my mother for the efflorescence of my knowledge."[9]—Vivekananda
Swami Vivekananda was born in Shimla Pally, Calcutta at 6:33 a.m on Monday, 12 January 1863, during the eve of Makra Sankrantifestival[10]and was given the name Narendranath Datta.[11]His father Vishwanath Datta was an attorneyof Calcutta High Court. He was considered generous, and had a liberal and progressive outlook in social and religious matters.[12]His mother Bhuvaneshwari Devi was pious and had practiced austerities and prayed to Vireshwar Shivaof Varanasito give her a son. She reportedly had a dream in which Shiva rose from his meditationand said that he would be born as her son.[10]
Narendranath's thinking and personality were influenced by his parents—the father by his rational mind and the mother by her religious temperament.[8][13]From his mother he learnt the power of self-control.[13]One of the sayings of his mother Narendra quoted often in his later years was, "Remain pure all your life; guard your own honor and never transgress the honor of others. Be very tranquil, but when necessary, harden your heart."[11]He was reportedly adept in meditation and could reportedly enter the state of samadhi.[13]He reportedly would see a light while falling asleep and he reportedly had a vision of Buddhaduring his meditation.[14]During his childhood, he had a great fascination for wandering ascetics and monks.[13]
Narendranath had varied interests and a wide range of scholarship in philosophy, history, the social sciences, arts, literature, and other subjects.[15]He evinced much interest in scriptural texts, Vedas, the Upanishads, Bhagavad Gita, Ramayana, Mahabharataand the Puranas. He was also well versed in classical music, both vocal and instrumental and is said to have undergone training under two Ustads, Beni Gupta and Ahamad Khan.[16]Since boyhood, he took an active interest in physical exercise, sports, and other organizational activities.[15]Even when he was young, he questioned the validity of superstitious customs and discrimination based on caste[17]and refused to accept anything without rational proof and pragmatic test.[8]
College and Brahmo Samaj
Narendranath started his education at home, later he joined the Metropolitan Institution of Ishwar Chandra Vidyasagarin 1871[18]and in 1879 he passed the entrance examination for Presidency College, Calcutta, entering it for a brief period and subsequently shifting to General Assembly's Institution.[19]During the course, he studied western logic, western philosophyand history of Europeannations.[17]In 1881 he passed the Fine Arts examination and in 1884 he passed the Bachelor of Arts.[20][21]
Narendranath is said to have studied the writings of David Hume, Immanuel Kant, Johann Gottlieb Fichte, Baruch Spinoza, Georg W. F. Hegel, Arthur Schopenhauer, Auguste Comte, Herbert Spencer, John Stuart Mill, and Charles Darwin.[22][23]Narendra became fascinated with the Evolutionismof Herbert Spencer, and translated Spencer’s book on Educationinto Bengali for Gurudas Chattopadhyaya, his publisher. Narendra also had correspondence with Herbert Spencer for some time.[24][25]Alongside his study of Western philosophers, he was thoroughly acquainted with Indian Sanskrit scriptures and many Bengali works.[23]According to his professors, student Narendranath was a prodigy. Dr. William Hastie, the principal of Scottish Church College, where he studied during 1881-84,wrote, "Narendra is really a genius. I have travelled far and wide but I have never come across a lad of his talents and possibilities, even in German universities, among philosophical students."[22]He was regarded as a srutidhara—a man with prodigious memory.[26][27]After a discussion with Narendranath, Dr. Mahendralal Sarkarreportedly said, "I could never have thought that such a young boy had read so much!"[28]
Narendranath became the member of a Freemason's lodge and the breakaway faction from the Brahmo Samaj led by Keshab Chunder Senanother Freemason.[19]His initial beliefs were shaped by Brahmo concepts, which include belief in a formless God and deprecation of the worship of idols.[29]Not satisfied with his knowledge of Philosophy, he wondered if God and religion could be made a part of one's growing experiences and deeply internalized. Narendra went about asking prominent residents of contemporary Calcutta whether they had come "face to face with God".[30]but could not get answers which satisfied him.[31]
His first introduction to Ramakrishnaoccurred in a literature class in General Assembly Institute, when he heard Principal Reverend W. Hastie lecturing on William Wordsworth's poem The Excursion and the poet's nature-mysticism.[32]In the course of explaining the word trancein the poem, Hastie told his students that if they wanted to know the real meaning of it, they should go to Ramakrishna of Dakshineswar. This prompted some of his students, including Narendranath to visit Ramakrishna.[19][33][34]
With Ramakrishna
Ramakrishna Paramahamsa
"The magic touch of the Master that day immediately brought a wonderful change over my mind. I was astounded to find that really there was nothing in the universe but God! … everything I saw appeared to be Brahman. … I realized that I must have had a glimpse of the Advaitastate. Then it struck me that the words of the scriptures were not false. Thenceforth I could not deny the conclusions of the Advaita philosophy."[35]
His meeting with Ramakrishna Paramahamsain November 1881 proved to be a turning point in his life.[36]About this meeting, Narendranath said, "He [Ramakrishna] looked just like an ordinary man, with nothing remarkable about him. He used the most simple language and I thought 'Can this man be a great teacher?'– I crept near to him and asked him the question which I had been asking others all my life: 'Do you believe in God, Sir?' 'Yes,' he replied. 'Can you prove it, Sir?' 'Yes.' 'How?' 'Because I see Him just as I see you here, only in a much intenser sense.' That impressed me at once. […] I began to go to that man, day after day, and I actually saw that religion could be given. One touch, one glance, can change a whole life."[36][37]
Even though Narendra did not accept Ramakrishna as his guru initially and revolted against his ideas, he was attracted by his personality and visited him frequently.[38]He initially looked upon on Ramakrishna's ecstasies and visions as, "mere figments of imagination",[8]"mere hallucinations".[39]As a member of Brahmo samaj, he revolted against idol worship and polytheism, and Ramakrishna's worship of Kali.[40]He even rejected the Advaitist Vedantismof identity with absolute as blasphemy and madness, and often made fun of the concept[39]
Though Narendra could not accept Ramakrishna and his visions, he could not neglect him either. It had always been in Narendra's nature to test something thoroughly before he would accept it. He tested Ramakrishna, who never asked Narendra to abandon reason, and faced all of Narendra's arguments and examinations with patience—"Try to see the truth from all angles" was his reply.[38]During the course of five years of his training under Ramakrishna, Narendra was transformed from a restless, puzzled, impatient youth to a mature man who was ready to renounce everything for the sake of God-realization. In time, Narendra accepted Ramakrishna as guru, and when he accepted, his acceptance was whole-hearted and with complete surrendering as disciple.[38]
In 1885 Ramakrishna suffered from throat cancerand he was shifted to Calcutta and later to Cossipore. Vivekananda and his brother disciplestook care of Ramakrishna during this final days. His spiritual education under Ramakrishna continued here. At Cossipore, Vivekananda reportedly experienced Nirvikalpa Samadhi.[41]During the last days of Ramakrishna, Vivekananda and some of the other disciples received the ochre monastic robes from Ramakrishna, which formed the first monastic order of Ramakrishna.[42]Vivekananda was taught that service to men was the most effective worship of God.[8][43]It is reported that when Vivekananda, doubted Ramakrishna's claim of avatara, Ramakrishna reportedly said, "He who was Rama, He who was Krishna, He himself is now Ramakrishna in this body."[44]During his final days, Ramakrishna asked Vivekananda to take care of other monastic disciples and in turn asked them to look upon Vivekananda as their leader.[45]Ramakrishna's condition worsened gradually and he expired in the early morning hours of August 16, 1886 at the Cossipore garden house. According to his disciples, this was Mahasamadhi.[45]
Baranagar Monastery
After the death of their master, the monastic disciples led by Vivekananda formed a fellowship at a half-ruined house at Baranagarnear the river Ganga, with the financial assistance of the householder disciples. This became the first Math or monasteryof the disciples who constituted the first Ramakrishna Order.[36]
The dilapidated house at Baranagorewas chosen because of its low rent and proximity to the Cossipore burning-ghat, where Ramakrishna was cremated. Narendra and other members of the Math often spent their time in meditation, discussing about different philosophies and teachings of spiritual teachers including Ramakrishna, Shankaracharya, Ramanuja, and Jesus Christ.[46]Narendra reminisced about the early days in the monastery as follows, "We underwent a lot of religious practice at Baranagore Math. We used to get up at 3:00 am and become absorbed in japaand meditation. What a strong spirit of dispassion we had in those days! We had no thought even as to whether the world existed or not"[46]In the early part of 1887, Narendra and eight other disciples took formal monastic vows. Narendra took the name of Swami Vividishananda.[47]
Parivrâjaka— Wandering monk
Swami Vivekananda's first photo as a Wandering monk at Jaipur.[48]
In 1888, Vivekananda left the monastery as a Parivrâjaka—the Hindu religious life of a wandering monk, "without fixed abode, without ties, independent and strangers wherever they go."[49]His sole possessions were a kamandalu (water pot), staff, and his two favorite books—Bhagavad Gitaand The Imitation of Christ.[50]Narendranath travelled the length and breadth of India for five years, visiting important centers of learning, acquainting himself with the diverse religious traditions and different patterns of social life.[51][52]He developed a sympathy for the suffering and poverty of the masses and resolved to uplift the nation.[51][53]Living mainly on Bhikshaor alms, Narendranath traveled mostly on foot and railway tickets bought by his admirers whom he met during the travels. During these travels he gained acquaintance and stayed with scholars, Dewans, Rajasand people from all walks of life—Hindus, Muslims, Christians, Pariahs (low caste workers), Government officials.[53]
Northern India
In 1888, he started his journey from Varanasi. At Varanasi, he met pandit and Bengali writer, Bhudev Mukhopadhyayand Trailanga Swami, a famous saint who lived in a Shiva temple. Here, he also met Babu Pramadadas Mitra, the noted Sanskrit scholar, to whom the Swami wrote a number of letters asking his advice on the interpretation of the Hindu scriptures.[54]After Varanasi he visited Ayodhya, Lucknow, Agra, Vrindaban, Hathrasand Rishikesh. At Hathrashe met Sharat Chandra Gupta, the station master who later became one of his earliest disciples as Sadananda.[55][56]Between 1888-1890, he visited Vaidyanath, Allahabad. From Allahabad, he visited Ghazipur where he met Pavhari Baba, a Advaita Vedanta ascetic who spent most of his time in meditation.[57]Between 1888-1890, he returned to Baranagore Math few times, because of ill health and to arrange for the financial funds when Balram Bose and Suresh Chandra Mitra, the disciples of Ramakrishna who supported the Mathhad expired.[56]
The Himalayas
In July 1890, accompanied by his brother monk, Swami Akhandananda, he continued his journey as a wandering monk and returned to the Mathonly after his visit to the West.[56][58]He visited, Nainital, Almora, Srinagar, Dehra Dun, Rishikesh, Hardwarand the Himalayas. During this travel, he reportedly had a vision of macrocosm and microcosm, which seems to be reflected in the Jnana Yoga lectures he gave later in the West, "The Cosmos—The Macrocosmand The Microcosm". During these travels, he met his brother monks —Swami Brahmananda, Saradananda, Turiyananda, Akhandananda, Advaitananda. They stayed at Meerutfor few days where they passed their time in meditation, prayer and study of scriptures. In the end of January 1891, the Swami left his brother monks and journeyed to Delhialone.[58][59]
[edit] Rajputana
At Delhi, after visiting historical places he journeyed towards Alwar, in the historic land of Rajputana. Later he journeyed to Jaipur, where he studied Panini's Ashtadhyayi from a Sanskrit scholar. He next journeyed to Ajmer, where he visited the palace of Akbar and the famous Dargahand left for Mount Abu. At Mount Abu, he met the Maharaja Ajit Singh of Khetri, who became his ardent devotee and supporter. He was invited to Khetri, where he delivered discourses to the Raja. At Khetri, he also became acquainted with Pandit Narayandas, and studied Mahabhashya on Sutras of Panini. After two and half months at Khetri, towards end of October 1891, he proceeded towards Rajasthanand Maharastra.[53][60]
Western India
Continuing his travels, he visited Ahmedabad, Wadhwan, Limbdi. At Ahmedabad he completed his studies of Mohammedanand Jainculture.[53]At Limbdi, he met Thakore Sahed Jaswant Singh who had himself been to England and America. From the Thakore Saheb, the Swami got the first idea of going to the West to preach Vedanta. He later visited Junagadh, Girnar, Kutch, Porbander, Dwaraka, Palitana, Baroda. At Porbander he stayed three quarters of a year, in spite of his vow as a wandering monk, to perfect his philosophical and Sanskrit studies with learned pandits; he worked with a court pandit who translated the Vedas.[53]
He later traveled to Mahabaleshwarand then to Pune. From Poona he visited Khandwaand Indorearound June 1892. At Kathiawarhe heard of the Parliament of the World's Religionsand was urged by his followers there to attend it. He left Khandwa for Bombay and reached there on July 1892. In a Punebound train he met Bal Gangadhar Tilak.[61]After staying with Tilak for few days in Poona,[62]the Swami travelled to Belgaumin October 1892. At Belgaum, he was the guest of Prof. G.S. Bhate and Sub-divisional Forest officer, Haripada Mitra. From Belgaum, he visited Panjimand Margaoin Goa. He spent three days in the Rachol Seminary, the oldest convent-college of theology of Goa where rare religious literature in manuscripts and printed works in Latinare preserved. He reportedly studied important Christian theological works here.[63]From Margao the Swami went by train to Dharwar, and from there directly to Bangalore, in Mysore State.[64]
Southern India
At Bangalore, the Swami became acquainted with Sir K. Seshadri Iyer, the Dewanof Mysore state, and later he stayed at the palace as guest of the Maharaja of Mysore, Shri Chamarajendra Wadiyar. Regarding Swami's learning, Sir Seshadri reportedly remarked, "a magnetic personality and a divine force which were destined to leave their mark on the history of his country." The Maharaja provided the Swami a letter of introduction to the Dewan of Cochin and got him a railway ticket.[65]
VivekanandaTemple on Vivekananda rock at Kanyakumari, India
From Bangalore, he visited Trichur, Kodungalloor, Ernakulam. At Ernakulam, he met Chattampi Swamikal, the guru of Narayana Guru in early December 1892.[66]From Ernakulam, he journeyed to Trivandrum, Nagercoiland reached Kanyakumarion foot during the Christmas Eve of 1892.[67]At Kanyakumari, the Swami reportedly meditated on the "last bit of Indian rock", famously known later as the Vivekananda Rock Memorialfor three days.[68]At Kanyakumari, Vivekananda had the "Vision of one India", also commonly called "The Kanyakumari resolve of 1892".[69]He wrote,
"At Cape Camorin sitting in Mother Kumari's temple, sitting on the last bit of Indian rock - I hit upon a plan: We are so many sanyasis wandering about, and teaching the people metaphysics-it is all madness. Did not our Gurudeva used to say, `An empty stomach is no good for religion?' We as a nation have lost our individuality and that is the cause of all mischief in India. We have to raise the masses."[69][70]
From Kanyakumari he visited Madurai, where he met Raja of Ramnad, Bhaskara Setupati, to whom he had a letter of introduction. The Raja became the Swami's disciple and urged him to go to the Parliament of Religions at Chicago. From Madurai, he visited Rameshwaram, Pondicherryand he travelled to Madras and here he met some his most devoted disciples, like Alasinga Perumal, G.G. Narasimhachari, who played important roles in collecting funds for Swami's voyage to America and later in establishing the Ramakrishna Mission in Madras. From Madras he travelled to Hyderabad. With the aid of funds collected by his Madras disciples and Rajas of Mysore, Ramnad, Khetri, Dewans, and other followers Vivekananda left for Chicago on 31 May 1893 from Bombay assuming the name Vivekananda—the name suggested by the Maharaja of Khetri.[71][72]
] First visit to the West
His journey to America took him through China, Japan, Canadaand he arrived at Chicago in July 1893.[73]But to his disappointment he learnt that no one without credentials from a bona fideorganization would be accepted as a delegate. He came in contact with Professor John Henry Wrightof Harvard University.[74]After inviting him to speak at Harvard and on learning of his not having credential to speak at the Parliament, Wright is quoted as having said, "To ask for your credentials is like asking the sun to state its right to shine in the heavens." Wright then addressed a letter to the Chairman in charge of delegates writing, "Here is a man who is more learned than all of our learned professors put together." On the Professor Vivekananda himself writes, "He urged upon me the necessity of going to the Parliament of Religions, which he thought would give an introduction to the nation."[75]
[edit] Parliament of World's Religions
Swami Vivekananda on the Platform of the Parliament of Religions
The Parliament of Religions opened on 11 September 1893 at the Art Institute of Chicago. On this day Vivekananda gave his first brief address. He represented India and Hinduism.[76]Though initially nervous, he bowed to Saraswati, the goddess of learning and began his speechwith, "Sisters and brothers of America!".[74][77]To these words he got a standing ovation from a crowd of seven thousand, which lasted for two minutes. When silence was restored he began his address. He greeted the youngest of the nations in the name of "the most ancient order of monks in the world, the Vedic order of sannyasins, a religion which has taught the world both tolerance and universal acceptance."[78]And he quoted two illustrative passages in this relation, from the Bhagavad Gita—"As the different streams having their sources in different places all mingle their water in the sea, so, O Lord, the different paths which men take, through different tendencies, various though they appear, crooked or straight, all lead to Thee!" and "Whosoever comes to Me, through whatsoever form, I reach him; all men are struggling through paths that in the end lead to Me."[78]Despite being a short speech, it voiced the spirit of the Parliament and its sense of universality.[78][79]
Dr. Barrows, the president of the Parliament said, "India, the Mother of religions was represented by Swami Vivekananda, the Orange-monk who exercised the most wonderful influence over his auditors."[77]He attracted widespread attention in the press, which dubbed him as the "Cyclonic monk from India". The New York Critique wrote, "He is an orator by divine right, and his strong, intelligent face in its picturesque setting of yellow and orange was hardly less interesting than those earnest words, and the rich, rhythmical utterance he gave them." The New York Heraldwrote, "Vivekananda is undoubtedly the greatest figure in the Parliament of Religions. After hearing him we feel how foolish it is to send missionariesto this learned nation."[80]The American newspapers reported Swami Vivekananda as "the greatest figure in the parliament of religions" and "the most popular and influential man in the parliament".[81]
He spokeseveral more times at the Parliament on topics related to Hinduism and Buddhism. The parliament ended on 27 September 1893. All his speeches at the Parliament had one common theme—Universality and stressed religious tolerance.[82]
Lecturing tours in America, England
"I do not come", said Swamiji on one occasion in America, "to convert you to a new belief. I want you to keep your own belief; I want to make the Methodista better Methodist; the Presbyteriana better Presbyterian; the Unitariana better Unitarian. I want to teach you to live the truth, to reveal the light within your own soul."[83]
After the Parliament of Religions, held in Sept. 1893 at The Art Institute of Chicago, Vivekananda spent nearly two whole years lecturing in various parts of eastern and central United States, appearing chiefly in Chicago, Detroit, Boston, and New York. By the spring of 1895, he was weary and in poor health, because of his continuous exertion.[84]After suspending his lecture tour, the Swami started giving free and private classes on Vedantaand Yoga. In June 1895, for two months he conducted private lectures to a dozen of his disciples at the Thousand Island Park. Vivekananda considered this to the happiest part of his first visit to America. He later founded the "Vedanta Societyof New York".[84]
During his first visit to America, he traveled to England twice—in 1895 and 1896.
Irishlady, who later became Sister Nivedita.[84]During his second visit in May 1896, while living at a house in Pimlico, the Swami met Max Müllera renowned Indologistat Oxford Universitywho wrote Ramakrishna's first biography in the West.[79]From England, he also visited other European countries. In Germany he met Paul Deussen, another famous Indologist.[86]
He also received two academic offers, the chair of Eastern Philosophyat Harvard University
...
Saturday 2 January 2010
Parents
Forwarded From a A Senior Army Officer
This was narrated by an IAF pilot to IIT students during a Seminar on Human Relations:
Venkatesh Balasubramaniam (who works for IIT) describes how his gesture of booking an air ticket for his father, his maiden flight, brought forth a rush of emotions and made him (Venkatesh) realize that how much we all take for granted when it comes to our parents.
My parents left for our native place on Thursday and we went to the airport to see them off.. In fact, my father had never traveled by air before, so I just took this opportunity to make him experience the same. In spite of being asked to book tickets by train, I got them tickets on Jet Airways. The moment I handed over the tickets to him, he was surprised to see that I had booked them by air.. The excitement was very apparent on his face, waiting for the time of travel. Just like a school boy, he was preparing himself on that day and we all went to the airport, right from using the trolley for his luggage, the baggage check-in and asking for a window seat and waiting restlessly for the security check-in to happen. He was thoroughly enjoying himself and I, too, was overcome with joy watching him experience all these things.
As they were about to go in for the security check-in, he walked up to me with tears in his eyes and thanked me. He became very emotional and it was not as if I had done something great but the fact that this meant a great deal to him. When he said thanks, I told him there was no need to thank me. But later, thinking about the entire incident, I looked back at my life. As a child, how many dreams our parents have made come true.
Without understanding the financial situation, we ask for cricket bats, dresses, toys, outings, etc. Irrespective of their affordability, they have catered to all our needs. Did we ever think about the sacrifices they had to make to accommodate many of our wishes? Did we ever say thanks for all that they have done for us? Same way, today when it comes to our children, we always think that we should put them in a good school. Regardless of the amount of donation, we will ensure that we will have to give the child the best, theme parks, toys, etc. But we tend to forget that our parents have sacrificed a lot for our sake to see us happy, so it is our responsibility to ensure that their dreams are realized and what they failed to see when they were young. It is our responsibility to ensure that they experience all those and their life is complete.
Many times, when my parents had asked me some questions, I have actually answered back without patience. When my daughter asks me something, I have been very polite in answering. Now I realize how they would have felt at those moments. Let us realize that old age is a second childhood and just as we take care of our children, the same attention and same care needs to be given to our parents and elders. Rather than my dad saying thank you to me, I would want to say sorry for making him wait so long for this small dream. I do realize how much he has sacrificed for my sake and I will do my best to give the best possible attention to all their wishes.
Just because they are old does not mean that they will have to give up everything and keep sacrificing for their grandchildren also. They have wishes, too..
Take care of your parents. THEY ARE PRECIOUS.
This was narrated by an IAF pilot to IIT students during a Seminar on Human Relations:
Venkatesh Balasubramaniam (who works for IIT) describes how his gesture of booking an air ticket for his father, his maiden flight, brought forth a rush of emotions and made him (Venkatesh) realize that how much we all take for granted when it comes to our parents.
My parents left for our native place on Thursday and we went to the airport to see them off.. In fact, my father had never traveled by air before, so I just took this opportunity to make him experience the same. In spite of being asked to book tickets by train, I got them tickets on Jet Airways. The moment I handed over the tickets to him, he was surprised to see that I had booked them by air.. The excitement was very apparent on his face, waiting for the time of travel. Just like a school boy, he was preparing himself on that day and we all went to the airport, right from using the trolley for his luggage, the baggage check-in and asking for a window seat and waiting restlessly for the security check-in to happen. He was thoroughly enjoying himself and I, too, was overcome with joy watching him experience all these things.
As they were about to go in for the security check-in, he walked up to me with tears in his eyes and thanked me. He became very emotional and it was not as if I had done something great but the fact that this meant a great deal to him. When he said thanks, I told him there was no need to thank me. But later, thinking about the entire incident, I looked back at my life. As a child, how many dreams our parents have made come true.
Without understanding the financial situation, we ask for cricket bats, dresses, toys, outings, etc. Irrespective of their affordability, they have catered to all our needs. Did we ever think about the sacrifices they had to make to accommodate many of our wishes? Did we ever say thanks for all that they have done for us? Same way, today when it comes to our children, we always think that we should put them in a good school. Regardless of the amount of donation, we will ensure that we will have to give the child the best, theme parks, toys, etc. But we tend to forget that our parents have sacrificed a lot for our sake to see us happy, so it is our responsibility to ensure that their dreams are realized and what they failed to see when they were young. It is our responsibility to ensure that they experience all those and their life is complete.
Many times, when my parents had asked me some questions, I have actually answered back without patience. When my daughter asks me something, I have been very polite in answering. Now I realize how they would have felt at those moments. Let us realize that old age is a second childhood and just as we take care of our children, the same attention and same care needs to be given to our parents and elders. Rather than my dad saying thank you to me, I would want to say sorry for making him wait so long for this small dream. I do realize how much he has sacrificed for my sake and I will do my best to give the best possible attention to all their wishes.
Just because they are old does not mean that they will have to give up everything and keep sacrificing for their grandchildren also. They have wishes, too..
Take care of your parents. THEY ARE PRECIOUS.
Monday 7 December 2009
THIS IS HOW WE MISS OUT SOMETHING CALLED "LIFE"
A beautiful message!!
THIS IS HOW WE MISS OUT SOMETHING CALLED "LIFE"
A boy was born to a couple after eleven years of marriage. They were a loving couple and the boy was the gem of their eyes. When the boy was around two years old, one morning the husband saw a medicine bottle open. He was late for office so he asked his wife to cap the bottle and keep it in the cupboard. His wife, preoccupied in the kitchen totally forgot the matter. The boy saw the bottle and playfully went to the bottle fascinated by its color and drank it all. It happened to be a poisonous medicine meant for adults in small dosages. When the child collapsed the mother hurried him to the hospital, where he died. The mother was stunned. She was terrified how to face her husband. When the distraught father came to the hospital and saw the dead child, he looked at his wife and uttered just 5 words.
QUESTIONS:
1. What were the five words?
2. What is the implication of this story?
ANSWER:
The husband just said "I am with you Darling"
The husband's totally unexpected reaction is a proactive behavior. The child is dead. He can never be brought back to life. There is no point in finding fault with the mother. Besides, if only he had taken time to keep the bottle away, this would not have happened. No one is to be blamed. She had also lost her only child.
What she needed at that moment was consolation and sympathy from the husband. That is what he gave her.
If everyone can look at life with this kind of perspective, there would be much fewer problems in the world. "A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. Take off all your envies, jealousies, unforgiveness, selfishness, and fears. And you will find things are actually not as difficult as you think.
MORAL OF THE STORY:
This story is really worth reading. .... Sometimes we spend time in asking who is responsible, whom to blame, whether in a relationship, in a job or with the people we know.
By this way we miss out something called L.I.F.E.
THIS IS HOW WE MISS OUT SOMETHING CALLED "LIFE"
A boy was born to a couple after eleven years of marriage. They were a loving couple and the boy was the gem of their eyes. When the boy was around two years old, one morning the husband saw a medicine bottle open. He was late for office so he asked his wife to cap the bottle and keep it in the cupboard. His wife, preoccupied in the kitchen totally forgot the matter. The boy saw the bottle and playfully went to the bottle fascinated by its color and drank it all. It happened to be a poisonous medicine meant for adults in small dosages. When the child collapsed the mother hurried him to the hospital, where he died. The mother was stunned. She was terrified how to face her husband. When the distraught father came to the hospital and saw the dead child, he looked at his wife and uttered just 5 words.
QUESTIONS:
1. What were the five words?
2. What is the implication of this story?
ANSWER:
The husband just said "I am with you Darling"
The husband's totally unexpected reaction is a proactive behavior. The child is dead. He can never be brought back to life. There is no point in finding fault with the mother. Besides, if only he had taken time to keep the bottle away, this would not have happened. No one is to be blamed. She had also lost her only child.
What she needed at that moment was consolation and sympathy from the husband. That is what he gave her.
If everyone can look at life with this kind of perspective, there would be much fewer problems in the world. "A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. Take off all your envies, jealousies, unforgiveness, selfishness, and fears. And you will find things are actually not as difficult as you think.
MORAL OF THE STORY:
This story is really worth reading. .... Sometimes we spend time in asking who is responsible, whom to blame, whether in a relationship, in a job or with the people we know.
By this way we miss out something called L.I.F.E.
Friday 4 December 2009
Good one
After getting all of Pope Benedict's luggage loaded into the limo, the driver notices that the Pope is still
standing on the curb.
"Excuse me, Your Holiness," says the driver," Would you please take your
seat so we can leave?" "Well, to tell you the truth," says the Pope,
"they never let me drive at the Vatican when I was a cardinal, and I'd
really like to drive today."
"I'm sorry, Your Holiness, but I cannot let you do that. I'd lose my
job!
And what if something should happen?" protests the driver, wishing he'd
never gone to work that morning.
"Who's going to tell? Besides, there might be something extra in it for
you," says the Pope with a smile.
Reluctantly, the driver gets in the back as the Pope climbs in behind
the wheel. The driver quickly regrets his decision when, after exiting
the airport, the Pontiff floors it, accelerating the limo to 105 mph.
(Remember, he's German.)
"Please slow down, Your Holiness!" pleads the worried driver, but the
Pope keeps the pedal to the metal until they hear sirens. "Oh, dear
God, I'm gonna lose my license -- and my job!" moans the driver.
The Pope pulls over and rolls down the window as the cop approaches, but
the cop takes one look at him, goes back to his motorcycle, and gets on
the radio.
"I need to talk to the Chief," he says to the dispatcher. The Chief gets
on the radio and the cop tells him that he's stopped a limo going a
hundred and five.
"So bust him," says the Chief.
"I don't think we want to do that, he's really big," said the cop.
The Chief exclaimed," All the more reason!"
"No, I mean really important," said the cop with a bit of persistence.
The Chief then asked, "Who ya got there, the Mayor?"
Cop: "Bigger."
Chief: " The Governor?"
Cop: "Bigger."
Chief: "The President?"
Cop: "Bigger."
"Well," said the Chief, "Who is it?"
Cop: "I think it's God!"
The Chief is stumped, " You been drinking, John? "
Cop: " No Sir."
Chief : " Then what makes you think it's God?"
Cop: "He's got the Pope as his driver."
standing on the curb.
"Excuse me, Your Holiness," says the driver," Would you please take your
seat so we can leave?" "Well, to tell you the truth," says the Pope,
"they never let me drive at the Vatican when I was a cardinal, and I'd
really like to drive today."
"I'm sorry, Your Holiness, but I cannot let you do that. I'd lose my
job!
And what if something should happen?" protests the driver, wishing he'd
never gone to work that morning.
"Who's going to tell? Besides, there might be something extra in it for
you," says the Pope with a smile.
Reluctantly, the driver gets in the back as the Pope climbs in behind
the wheel. The driver quickly regrets his decision when, after exiting
the airport, the Pontiff floors it, accelerating the limo to 105 mph.
(Remember, he's German.)
"Please slow down, Your Holiness!" pleads the worried driver, but the
Pope keeps the pedal to the metal until they hear sirens. "Oh, dear
God, I'm gonna lose my license -- and my job!" moans the driver.
The Pope pulls over and rolls down the window as the cop approaches, but
the cop takes one look at him, goes back to his motorcycle, and gets on
the radio.
"I need to talk to the Chief," he says to the dispatcher. The Chief gets
on the radio and the cop tells him that he's stopped a limo going a
hundred and five.
"So bust him," says the Chief.
"I don't think we want to do that, he's really big," said the cop.
The Chief exclaimed," All the more reason!"
"No, I mean really important," said the cop with a bit of persistence.
The Chief then asked, "Who ya got there, the Mayor?"
Cop: "Bigger."
Chief: " The Governor?"
Cop: "Bigger."
Chief: "The President?"
Cop: "Bigger."
"Well," said the Chief, "Who is it?"
Cop: "I think it's God!"
The Chief is stumped, " You been drinking, John? "
Cop: " No Sir."
Chief : " Then what makes you think it's God?"
Cop: "He's got the Pope as his driver."
9 episodes
Episode 1
It was just another normal day when I woke up at 10:00 AM and started
brushing while enjoying the greenery of IDPL Colony, Chintal from my room's
window.
Suddenly I got a missed call from an unknown number... After brushing, I
dialed the number to check who the person was.
To my surprise I heard a sweet female voice on the phone and she told that
it's a wrong dial. I said ok and hung up.
As we were a group of jobless fresh MCA graduates, our (mine and my
friends) concentration was mostly on Career Chronicle and girls:)...
Being mischievous and eager to make a female friend who's neither my
classmate nor my relative, I gave it a try to give her continuous missed
calls... at that time I wasn't aware of the consequences.
After a couple of days, I got a call from her number. With trmbling hands, I
pressed the OK button of my phone and I heard a new voice (it's not SHE with
whom I talked earler) and that girl was shouting at me...
I kept quiet for a moment. Later before cutting the call she said "why do
you guys give missed calls? Don't you have guts to talk to a girl? Anyway,
don't give me missed calls after 9 PM as our parents will be home..". I was
puzzled with her words... is she hinting something? Does she want to talk to
me? She is not the girl with whom I talked before... who is this new
character?
I chose to wait and see because her words were not harsh... at the same time
she wasn't so polite... I thought she might be a tomboy kinda girl and
sister of HER.
On the next day I called up her and again the tomboy came online. She
introduced herself as "Nidhi". According to her words she stays in Vizag and
she was a B.Sc. I year student.
When I asked about HER, she said SHE is her sister named "Anu". Both of them
were studying in same college.
From that day, my schedule was adjusted to have long phone calls with Nidhi.
I starting waking up at 8 AM :) so that we can talk till she starts for
college.
After a week, Nidhi introduced one guy called "Raja" on phone and said he's
her relative cum boyfriend. I inquired whether her sister had any such
friends... then she said SHE doesn't have any.
Nidhi sensed my interest towards her sister and started teasing me when I
raise HER topic.
Days were simply passing like that and oneday when I called Nidhi, Anu
answered the call and told that Nidhi was not at home. I thanked God for
giving such an opportunity to talk to Anu.
Then Anu told me about the relationship between Nidhi and Raja and asked me
not to call Nidhi so often. When I asked for the reason, she said Raja is
not so comfortable when Nidhi talks to other boys.
I promised her that I wouldn't call Nidhi regularly and wished Anu goodbye
and hung up...
That is where the story took its twist...
Part II to be continued tomorrow
Episode 2:
Continuation... :)
After the phone call, I didn't talk to them for 10 days... of course I felt
bad for not talking to them.
10 days later.... October 24th, 2004.
My friends became frustrated seeing me in such a bad mood and to relieve me
from that mood, they took me to a movie.
It's the second show, and we enjoyed the movie a lot... throughout the
movie, whenever I see the heroine (I am sorry I didn't tell the movie
name... it's "Anand" and the heroine is as you know "Kamalini Mukherji") I
wished Anu look like the heroine.
I didn't talk to both Anu and Nidhi for these 10 days... as I was walking
along with my friends towards my room after the movie, I got an SMS.
It's from Anu wishing me good night. In the same SMS she apologized me for
the harsh tone in our previous call. I sent a reply saying "it's ok and I
should have been cautious while talking to girls..."
That's a bull-eye :). My sentimental message had hit her strong.
Immediately I got a call from Anu and she tried to explain how bad she felt
for being harsh on me :) (actually I didn't feel her words harsh at that
time!!!).
I strongly felt that she started thinking of me and at such an odd time she
is trying to apologize... I told myself that it's the twist. Earlier she was
reluctant to let me to talk to her sister. But now, she herself is
interested in me and my feelings. I thought that finally I could get someone
who really thinks of me and cares about my feelings.
My life has come back into action :)
After that we (I and Anu) became good friends and used to talk so often. I
always tried to make her feel that she is something special to me.
It's December 26th, 2004... As it is weekend, I went to my home town and was
busy watching TV.
While surfing through channels, I saw the news about Tsunami... the first
and foremost thing came into my mind is "Anu"... she stays in Vizag which is
on seashore...
Being much worried about her I tried to call her.. but the network traffic
did not allow my call to connect her mobile. So I sent an SMS to her to
check how she is and she instantly replied that she is safe...
On the next day, I talked to her regarding Tsunami and she explained how
their area was affected. She was moved by my concern and care.
After 4 more days, we both exchanged new year wishes and I sensed that year
2005 is going to be the most memorable year in my life.
As someone said that friendship is the base of love, I started to love Anu
and was waiting for time of proposal.
Her sister, Nidhi came to know about my feelings and she used to tease me by
calling "baava" (means brother-in-law).
On 2nd Jan 2005, while talking to Nidhi, I said that I love her sister Anu.
But the destiny has its own plot...
As Nidhi had to go to attend some guest, she handed-over the phone to Anu.
Anu heard the words "I love Anu" silently and she simply hung up.
I was in an impression that I talked to Nidhi only and because of the
signal, the call had been dropped. I tried to call them again but all my
calls were unanswered.
I thought it's the miserable end of story which started in October 2004 :(
and I myself destroyed our friendship.
Part III to be continued ..
Episode: 3
After that incident, my senses went numb for couple of days. I didn't go out
of my room even for an evening tea which we usually used to have in the road
side café.
On 4th Jan 2005, I sent a SMS saying good morning to Anu. Though I sent that
message with no hope, there was a thin ray of hope in my heart.
God has answered all my prayers and I got a reply after an hour. Without
wasting a moment I called Anu and her voice is so normal. she asked why I
wasn't in touch with her.
I was surprised by that question. I was expecting a good bashing from her.
I replied that I was not feeling well and changed the topic.
2 days later on 6th Jan 2005, I got an interview call from a company in
which I appeared for an interview in September 2004 but was not selected.
They told me that they have openings for freshers and asked me to come to
their office for a formal round of interview.
I didn't tell her about the interview because if I lose the interview, I
didn't want to be a loser in her view.
It is 7th Jan 2005, I cleared the interview and got a job with designation
"Junior Software Engineer". The reporting date was 17th Jan 2005 which is 10
days after the interview date.
After the interview I told her about the interview and the job I got. She
wished me all the best and the sound in her voice has boosted my happiness.
I went to a nearby internet café to send emails to all classmates and
friends to inform about my job.
Then at 6:30 PM Anu called me and asked a straight question "I thought you
are a decent and straight mannered guy. but I never expected you to be a
coward who tells about his love to everybody except the girl whom he loves.
Why did you do this?". I did not have a word to answer.
I kept dumb for a moment. Then she said "you idiot, it was me who heard your
words 'I love Anu' on phone. I am not sure if it is love or attraction. But
I can't stop myself saying these words - I LOVE YOU TOO.
but let us first finalize whether it is love or sheer attraction."
I felt like heaven by hearing her words "I LOVE YOU" but at the same time I
was anxious about her second sentence to check if this is love or
attraction. I asked her how we can decide.
She said "let us not be in touch for 4 months. If you still have same
feeling, then it is true love. we will be together forever. If it is just
attraction, we will be distracted from each of us during these 4 months".
With those words my BP has shot up to its maximum but I held my nerve. I
suppressed all my irritation and tried to be so soft. I said "look baby. it
is not movie where the hero and heroine part before interval and get
together in the climax. Put your cinematic thoughts aside and tell me
whether do you love me or not. Time will decide whether it is so called True
Love or not".
She confirmed her love towards me and I sincerely thanked God for such a
wonderful gift to me.
From that day we were happily lost in Love and days are passing simply like
that.
Day by day, the desire to see her was building in me. and finally I told her
about my desire. She took a break and told that she is not so pretty and
asked about my looks.
I said I am an average looking guy with medium built and fair complexion.
Then she asked for my photograph.
It took me a complete day to choose my best looking photograph from my
archives and sent it to her friend's address which was given by her. After
posting the photograph, I called her and asked to send her photo.
After a couple of days, Anu told that her friend has received the parcel and
Anu was going to see the photo on the same day. I said ok and got lost in my
work.
From that day I did not get any call from Anu for 4 days. and when I try to
reach her number it's saying the number is temporarily out of service.
I decided that she did not like my photo and she changed her number to avoid me forever:(:(
Episode 4:
There is no better teacher than life and there is no better doctor than
time.
I madly tried to contact Anu for 3 more days. After that I have given up and
started to hate my luck.
I think I am not just average looking guy... I am far better than many of
guys that I see. I felt it's her bad luck that she has missed a good and
decent guy like me!!
When you run behind your shadow, remember that you are moving away from the
light. When you start leading your shadow, it's your journey towards light.
I started my journey towards light by trying to forget the bitter
experience. I wanted to teach Anu a lesson which she could never forget.
What I didn't know at that time is I am not moving towards light, the light
called Anu was moving towards me :).
It's the day on which I cursed myself a million times for not being
patient... it is Feb 9th 2005.
Our front office executive came to my cubicle and had given an envelope to
me.
I thought it is just a promotional mail that my bank sends periodically...
but when I saw the envelope, the From address is blank and To address was
written by hand.
With a big question mark on face, I put the envelope against some light to
see the contents. There was a postcard which is wrapped by some paper in the
envelope. I could see some writing on the paper and thought it is a letter.
My colleague Chari came to me and threw a weird look at me.
Then I told him about the Photo incident and this envelope. He asked me to
open the envelope and I did so.
I unwrapped the letter from the inlay card. To my surprise, it is not a
card... it is a postcard sized photograph. When I turned it over, I could
see an angel standing in the middle of a sunflower field.
I screamed "yes... she is Anu" and all my cubicle-mates stared at me with a
strange expression on their faces..
Being excited and couldn't control the excitement, I took the envelope,
letter, and that photograph and ran to Fire Exit of our building (Cyber
Gateway).
I saw the photograph for almost 20 minutes and then suddenly I recollected
about the letter. I unfolded the letter and the forewords were "Do you like
my photo? Then enough... now read the message".
In that letter she explained how she liked my photograph and how decent I
look ;). She wrote that her mobile would not be recharged till 09-Feb-2005
because she was going to her native place which is a remote village in
agency area. When I check the date of the letter posted... she posted the
letter exactly on the next day of our last conversation and left to her
native place. Thanks to Indian Postal Service, because of whom the letter
took 10 days to reach Hyderabad from Vizag.
I felt really bad for not being patient and not to have trust in her. I
immediately tried to call her... it was connected and Anu came online.
I apologized her for not understanding her situation. And she's such a kind
hearted to understand my fear and feelings. She said even if she was in my
position, she would have thought like that.
When I asked about the sudden visit to her native place, she said her
grandmother fell ill and they had to go all of a sudden. Also she said her
grandma is fine now.
Then I explained how excited I was when I saw her photo and how beautiful
she is. I could feel the shyness in her voice hearing my words. :)
For the valentine's day, I bought a beautiful gift and sent to her friend's
address as directed by her.
If everything goes smooth in life, people never remember God. Finally God
wants to prove his existence.
Suddenly on one day (it is Feb 19th 2005) I got an SMS from Anu saying "YOU
CHEAT... DON'T PLAY WITH PEOPLE'S EMOTIONS. I DON'T WANT TO SEE YOU AGAIN IN
MY LIFE. GOOD BYE"
I didn't believe what I was seeing on my mobile... I was not sure whether it
is a dream or reality.
Part 5 to be continued ..
Episode 5:
After seeing the message I tried to call Anu many times... but she
didn't
answer the calls and finally she switched off her mobile.
I didn't understand the reason behind that message and was completely
clueless.
I prayed to God for giving me one more opportunity to prove myself
innocent.
I could not bear the name CHEAT.
I decided to write a letter to Anu and post it to her friend Jyothi's
address (postal mail was the only medium between us other than phone).
I wrote a letter to give me the reason for calling me a cheat and asked
if I
have done any mistake...
Before posting the letter, I tried to call Anu and luckily the call was
connected.
Nidhi answered the call and had told that Anu was not at home... she
asked
me why I've played such games with Anu's emotions... I said I didn't
understand her words and asked to give me the reason for such blames.
Then
she told about Vinay. I exclaimed how did they know Vinay and Nidhi told
that he is a distant relative to them.
Vinay, one of my best friends is relative of Anu!!! While I was in the
shock, suddenly Anu snatched the phone from Nidhi and started scolding
me.
I waited for a couple of minutes and I asked Anu to check with Vinay
about
my character and my commitment towards her.
Then Anu sarcastically said "Sir, we came to know about your great
personality and your so-called commitment from Vinay only. If you need
just
popcorn kind of relationship, why do you name it as Love and why do you
play
with people's emotions?". Her words sounded like bullets from an AK-47
rifle
and I asked if I behaved wrongly at any time of this course... she said
no.
I asked her to tell me what Vinay has told them... then she asked if I
have
any cousin who stays at my home... I said yes. But I didn't understand
the
link between my cousin's stay at my home and my love with Anu.
Anu asked me about my last meet/conversation with her. I said I met her
during my last visit to my hometown which was just a week ago. I also
said
that it's just a casual meet and there is no specific purpose.
She started to cry and scold me for hiding that matter... I tried to
console
her with my words but failed...
After a moment she asked if I was engaged with my cousin... I couldn't
control my laughter and it took 5 minutes to come down. Then I asked her
if
she herself got the doubt or Vinay told about my engagement with her...
Anu
said Vinay told about my cousin and my engagement with her. I said "you
fool, my cousin is studying 7th class. And she stays with my mother
because
there is no school in their village. That guy Vinay just knows that
there is
a girl who is my maternal uncle's daughter and stays at my home. He
doesn't
know her age. How can you think that I will marry such kid???".
Anu asked me if I told Vinay that it's just a time pass love. Without
replying I asked her about the relationship between her and Vinay. She
told
that he is her paternal aunt's son. It made clear that Vinay wanted to
wipe
me off from Anu's life. As they both are relatives and Vinay has every
chance to marry Anu, he wanted to separate both of us by projecting me
as
bad. He didn't anticipate that Anu would talk to me and I explain about
my
cousin. I explained the same to Anu that Vinay is trying to separate
both of
us by doing all this.
At first Anu didn't believe this... upon asking her if she wants to talk
me
and Vinay in conference mode, she said it's not necessary and she
completely
agreed with me.
On that day I felt bad that the person whom I trusted the most and
believed
as best friend, had backstabbed me for a girl. At that moment, I decided
to
not to see his face again in my life.
Anyway, I did not lose Anu by his cheap tricks. Anu told me that she
would
teach him a lesson.
The differences came to an end but the story still has miles to go :)
Part 6 to be continued ..
EPISODE6
After the series of misunderstandings I thought of meeting Anu so that all our doubts will go off and our bond will become more strong.
I told Anu the same and asked if I could go Vizag to meet her. She said that they have relatives in Hyderabad and they would be coming
Hyderabad for summer vacation after her annual exams. I felt really happy hearing that she would come to Hyderabad and was
counting down the days.
Finally it's the day 24th May 2005
She said that they were coming by Visakha Express and the coach number was S8. As I was too excited to see her, I went to Secunderabad station before the train's arrival. For the first time in my life, seconds seemed to be minutes and minutes seemed to be hours.
Finally I saw the train coming on to platform number 5 and I ran towards S8. From behind a pole, I was watching the passengers alighting the
train. I saw a family consisting of a father and two daughters where one of the girls staring at me... I didn't pay much attention to them and
was searching for Anu. Finally I got a doubt if those two girls are Anu and Nidhi!!
I picked up my mobile and dialed Anu's number. My guess was correct...
the mobile rang just in front of me with one of those two girls (the second girl was the one who stared at me). That girl was facing her back
to me and I could not see her face properly.
She picked up the call and said hello. Then I said "hey green dress, turnaround... your love is waiting behind you". By hearing those words
she turned back and man... she looks absolutely beautiful. I could see her sweet smile which I used to hear for past 7 months on
phone. She looks gorgeous in that green color salwar kameez. Her skin tone is almost similar to milk cream and her eyes are in
complete contrast to her complexion. And the morning wind is playing with her curly hair. When she turns towards me, I was speechless. I
thanked God again for this wonderful gift of my life.
She might be feeling little discomfort with my gazes :)... she then adjusted her hair and said with a low tone "enough dear... now we've to
go our relatives' home. Let's meet later. Bye for now"
With those words I came back into this world and was following her silently. Her sister is also looking good but she looks older than her
elder sister :).
They were waiting for the city bus and her relatives were accompanying them. I was standing a bit far from them and looking at my angel.
Then came the disturber... a vegetables vendor came to me and asked if the bus in front of me goes to Begumpet or not. I said that it would.
Then he asked me to help him lift the vegetables basket and I had no choice. Anu and Nidhi burst into laughter seeing my face... as I didn't
want to be disturbed again, after helping the vendor I changed my location to next bus shelter.
Their bus had come and they got into bus. As it goes to Krishna Nagar and I've to get down at Ameerpet, I too boarded the bus. I got a seat
exactly behind Anu's seat and her father sat beside me...!! I was trying to be very decent in the presence of their father and made
no signs to Anu.
As the bus moves, the wind swayed her hair gently and I could smell the fragrance of her hair. I bet she must have washed her hair with Rejoice shampoo (it was her favorite :)) before boarding the train. These bus drivers drive fast when we need it really slow and when we are in urgency they drive like as if they are riding a bullock cart. We reached Ameerpet in just 20 minutes from Sec'bad and I had to get down.
I got down the bus and sent her an SMS saying I'll be in dayshift on that day. She replied saying OK. I got a call from her @ 11 AM and said she would like to meet me on the next day. I said I'd make my shift to be shifted to night and meet her. We both had decided to meet at Durgam Cheruvu on the next day at exactly 4:30 PM.
On the next day 25th May, 2005.
I was waiting for them at Krishna Nagar bus stop from 4:30 PM. I waited till 5 PM but they did not turn up.
I decided to wait till 5:15 PM and even then if don't turn up, I would leave the place and go back to my room. Then she came along with her sister and her cousin Priya.
We four had engaged an auto rickshaw to Durgam Cheruvu and reached Durgam Cheruvu by 5:40 PM.
Priya said that she and Nidhi will roam around Hitec city and asked me and Anu to spend time alone. I thanked her and took Anu into the park at
Durgam Cheruvu.
I was not aware of the consequences of our meet and the next twist of our love.
Part 7 to be continued .
EPISODE7
-As thought by Anu
It was 25th May, 2005
I met Nani at Durgam Cheruvu. He is such a nice guy with who cares much about me and my feelings.
He took my hand and guided me to the park on the bank of that lake. I could see many couples sitting there... and I am sure most of them were lovebirds :).
We had a tough time finding an empty bench in that park and finally Nani saw a bench which is almost invisible to outer world. He said that we would sit on that bench... but I hesitated to go there as I kept remembering Priya's words that guys would take advantage of being
invisible to others... I said "Nani, why can't we sit here in the lawn?
Do we really need to sit on a bench to talk?". Poor guy.. without a word, he sat on the grass in the lawn and I did the same. We kept quiet for a moment and I was waiting for him to break the ice. When I looked at him, he was staring at me. I could see a lot of love
towards me in his eyes. I smiled at him and asked about his office. He asked to keep office, studies, parents, and the world away because
it's the moment of his life where he met me for the first time.
He complemented that I look more beautiful than I looked in the photograph. I blushed and said thanks :).
I guess most of the guys are possessive at their women. Earlier I didn't know the reason behind asking me to sit on the hidden bench. But after a while I strongly felt like running towards that bench along with Nani. A group of boys (probably they were some engineering college guys) was roaming around the park and passing some bad comments towards the couples they encounter. Being offended by their comments, all the couples sitting on the lawn were leaving the place. Before they come to our place, I told Nani that we would go to the bench which the bad boys could not see.
We went there and spent some time... all the time Nani was fascinated by my looks and my skin tone. He asked about the soap I use... when I asked why, he told that he would use the same to get the same skin tone I have :). At that moment, he looked like a kid to me. I took his arm and gently pressed it. That time I determined to not to lose this nice guy at any cost.
After our first meet, we met for 4 more times in Hyderabad. Twice at his office in Hitec city and two more times at Durgam Cheruvu.
June 7th, 2005
It's just one day before the day on which we had to go back to Vizag. I was not able to digest the fact that I had to leave Nani. On the
previous day we met at Jubilee Hills Peddamma Temple and he gave me a sweet gift along with a beautiful greeting card. I was all tears while
waving him good bye :(
June 8th, 2005
We were all set to start to Secunderabad. Nidhi, Priya, and myself started to the railway station before the stipulated time to check the
reservation status of our berths. My Dad and all my relatives will reach by the scheduled time. While we were in the bus, I got a call from Nani and he wished me a very happy journey.
We reached station by 2:30 PM and to my surprise, Nani was waiting for us at the reservation counter. I jumped in joy by seeing him. He came to me with a naughty smile and winked at me. Priya and Nidhi went to the machine to check the status of our reservation and we sat on a bench. We talked about an hour and finally they both came with some biscuits and water bottle.
My dad and relatives reached the station by 4 PM. Nidhi and Priya went out to receive them and we both were in Train compartment. After a
while, Priya called me and told that they were approaching the compartment. We both exchanged the best wishes and he left the compartment with a heavy heart... he stayed till the train starts from the platform and we parted with tears in eyes.
We reached Vizag by next morning and I called him and acknowledged our safe journey.
After our meet, our bond had become much stronger. After a couple of months, he told that he wanted to see me again :)
Generally my parents would go to our native place on every month-end to visit my grandparents. So I thought that it would be the best time for us to meet . I took my friends' help to arrange the accommodation for him and invited him to Vizag. He came to Vizag twice and we both spent good time visiting all places in and around Vizag. One of my friends had arranged accommodation for
him.
It was his third visit to Vizag. It was 29th Sep, 2005. We didn't know that it would be our last meet.
We both went to Rishikonda by my friend's bike. There we both sat on a stone and were looking at the beauty of the sea. There were many people who were there for site seeing. Suddenly I could feel that somebody from the nearest group was watching both of us. I told the same to Nani and we left the place.
That was the day on which the luck started to play with our love and lives.
Part 8 to be continued .
EPISODE8
-Nani Again
After our third meet at Vizag, I came back to Hyderabad and for two days I was pretty busy with my official work. During those 2 days, I had very short conversations with Anu and she sounded little disturbed with my response.
Finally we've accomplished the successful release of our project and I got some leisure. I called up Anu and I could hear a guy's voice over the phone. I wondered if I had dialed wrong number. I rechecked the number and tried again. To my surprise the same guy has answered the call. He told it is wrong number and when I asked about Anu, he turned to be harsh at his words.
He said it's Anu's number only and she gave him the mobile. I didn't understand why did she gave her mobile to that guy and asked the same.
He told that he is her lover and asked about my details.
I introduced myself as her friend and I requested him to make her to talk to me once. Then he started to use all abusive language which I cannot write here. :( and warned me to not to call again.
I was 100% (even more) sure that Anu wouldn't cheat me and this guy was lying. But I have no way to contact Anu to know what's happened.
I thought of going Vizag again to see her and to know the happenings at her home. I booked the ticket to Visakha Express for the next day.
I packed some clothes and started to the railway station. While I was on the way, Anu called me and told that she wants to forget me and asked me to send her photo and gifts back to her.
I didn't believe what I heard. when I asked to repeat, she said "I want to wipe you off from my life. I never met a guy called Nani. I am in love with a handsome guy called Gopi. He is my fiancé. I am going to marry him after my graduation. Is it enough? Then forget me. Bye" and she simply hung up.
I was confused after hearing these words. if she wants to play a prank or does she really mean it. I tried to call her but she didn't answer the calls.
Even after such disheartening conversation, I did not give up the thought of going to Vizag. I headed towards the railway station and boarded the train.
After sitting in the train I recollected the scenes happened in my office. I had to lie to my manager that one of my close relatives has died and I'd to go out of station. He sanctioned me the leave but my colleagues were able to read my mind. They asked if anything is wrong with Anu. I said no and walked out of office.
I don't know whether God had forgotten to fit sensitive hearts to beautiful girls. Where my colleagues can sense the pain I feel, why this girl cannot?
I went there and when I go to their friend Mohan's home, he told me that he saw Anu with a new guy and they both were very close to each other.
I asked about the location where he saw them together. He said it's Bheemili. I heard once that there are some stealth places in Bheemili where lovers use to go for privacy.
I felt shocked to learn that she was leaning on his back where he was in the driving seat of Karizma bike. It is true that I felt really bad of being a jackass but I didn't lose hope.
I took Mohan's mobile and tried to call Anu. She answered the call and got surprised to hear my voice on the phone. She said that she was with her fiancé at some restaurant and asked me to hang up.
I could hear that some guy is talking to Anu in the backdrop and she was laughing loudly at his jokes. I stayed there for two more days and finally I could meet her in the beach..
When I meet her, she was in sleeveless top and a kapri. I remember that in the earlier days of our love, she told me that she doesn't like western wear. But now I am seeing her in the western clad.
I asked about our relationship and she told that it's all bulls&*%. I could not control my anger and threw her photo and her gifts at her and asked her to check if everything is returned or not.
She recklessly took them and thrown into sea. I somehow managed my senses from slapping her and said "see Anu, I don't know the reason behind your behavior. but one thing is true. It doesn't matter whether you love me or not. I love you truly and totally. I will remember you forever as it's my first love. I know it's the end of my love. I will never show my face to you. At least please don't break his (new guy) heart.".
She smiled carelessly and said "tell me something new man. I got bored of hearing all such nonsense for past 10 months". I didn't utter a single word and left the place with broken heart.
- Nani.
Nani stopped writing this and closed his eyes.
His son came from behind and hugged him. Nani smiled and took his son into his lap. Then came his wife with a hot cup of coffee. After giving the cup to Nani, she asked "so, did your story come to an end? Now can I see the complete story?".
Nani replied "No, still one more part to go. I am planning to narrate the reason behind the change in Anu's behavior and her point of view. Probably that would be the end of this story. I will write it over this weekend and show it to you on Monday. Then you can read the complete story".
Nani wrote the story over that weekend and shown it to his wife on the immediate Monday.
Part 9 to be continued .
EPISODE9
The End:
October 5th, 2005
This is the worst day of my life. I broke the heart and trust of Nani.
I heard many incidents about boys who abuse girls when they reject their love and some people even gone mad and killed the girls.
I knew that Nani is not such a psycho. But what did I expect was, at least he hates me and expresses the same feeling on my face. But he burst into tears and left the place without uttering a word.
I curse myself to be rude at him and to break his heart. I know it is the biggest sin I have committed in my life. But I did not have a choice.
When we both were at Rishikonda, I could feel that somebody had been watching us. I felt very uncomfortable being there... and we left the place.
I could realize the consequence only when my uncle Manu reached our home on the next day. When he asked about my studies, I said I was doing good.
Later he asked about my friends. As I didn't understand his intention behind that question, I took it normal and said they are fine.
Then he said "how is your boyfriend? Is he still in Vizag or left for his place?". For a moment, I could not believe my ears.
To my surprise, he said he knew everything about our meets including our meet @ Durgam Cheruvu. He said that one of his friends saw me at
Rishikonda and the same guy had seen me with Nani in Hyderabad.
He said that his friend had seen us spending together at Durgam Cheruvu.
I learnt from him that his friend was one of the bad boys we encountered at Durgam Cheruvu, I started to beg him not to say this to my parents.
Then he said "do you know how respectable are your parents at your native place? Do you know the consequences of your foolish act? Can you imagine your parents' situation if you marry a guy who doesn't belong to our community?
Do you expect that someone comes out of this world to marry your younger sister if you marry that guy?"
I didn't have answer to any of his questions.. I started to weep.
Then again he said "see, you are not a child to slap... you are not adult to explain in words... but one thing is sure. If you marry that boy, your parents would not live anymore. They would commit suicide. Now the choice is yours. Choose only one thing between your love and your parents."
In that evening, my mother came to me and said that one of my school teachers had met her and praised about me and my attitude.
He saw me for the last time when I was in my 10th class. My mother told that she's proud of me.
I didn't know how to respond. I cannot leave Nani but at the same time, I cannot live without my parents.
It all happened because of me... it was me who had grown hopes in Nani. It was me who had met Nani in Hyderabad. It was me who did not think about our socio-religious conditions.
I don't know whether the words of my uncle are part of emotional blackmail or not... but the only thing I know is, if I do any mistake, my sister Nidhi and my parents have to pay for it.
Finally I decided to sacrifice my love. I don't think that Nani would listen to my words if tell him with a soft tone. He will even try to meet my parents to convince them for our marriage. If he meets my parents, my uncle will not leave him safe. So, I decided to break his love... and wanted him to hate me.
For that I asked my uncle to act as my boyfriend... he agreed readily because he was happy that Nani would be wiped off my life.
I met my friends and told them to project me bad when Nani meets them. Manu, my uncle and my friend Mohan have done their job.
But it was me who hurt my love the most... I behaved like a bi^#&. I bought a pair of western casuals (I said to Nani that I don't like western wear so as he) and had worn them when I met him.
He was surprised to see me in western attire but did not pay much attention to that as he had something serious to worry about... it's our love. When he tried to express his feelings and told how much he loves me, I was moved from the bottom of my heart. But I didn't show any of the expressions on my face and had spoken with an irritated voice and asked him to say something new. I wonder how my heart became so hard like a rock.
Finally he said his last words and left the place with tears in eyes.
I could not control sorrow anymore when Nani broken into tears... I collapsed in the beach after his departure
I am the most unlucky girl on this earth to miss such a nice guy. I don't know if I have done the right thing by choosing my parents. But I am very sure that I've committed the biggest mistake by breaking Nani's heart. I will not say that I don't know that my parents would not agree for our marriage. I knew that they won't agree... but I thought that I could convince them for our marriage.
Now I am leading a life which is not mine. I am married to a person who never cares about me or my feelings. But I don’t feel bad to be with such person. I deserve this miserable life.
Here I urge all girls not to fall in love if you think you can't convince your parents for your marriage. We cannot afford to play with peoples' emotions, neither should they. All the guys would not be like Nani. There will be some guys who even kill either you or themselves.
It was just another normal day when I woke up at 10:00 AM and started
brushing while enjoying the greenery of IDPL Colony, Chintal from my room's
window.
Suddenly I got a missed call from an unknown number... After brushing, I
dialed the number to check who the person was.
To my surprise I heard a sweet female voice on the phone and she told that
it's a wrong dial. I said ok and hung up.
As we were a group of jobless fresh MCA graduates, our (mine and my
friends) concentration was mostly on Career Chronicle and girls:)...
Being mischievous and eager to make a female friend who's neither my
classmate nor my relative, I gave it a try to give her continuous missed
calls... at that time I wasn't aware of the consequences.
After a couple of days, I got a call from her number. With trmbling hands, I
pressed the OK button of my phone and I heard a new voice (it's not SHE with
whom I talked earler) and that girl was shouting at me...
I kept quiet for a moment. Later before cutting the call she said "why do
you guys give missed calls? Don't you have guts to talk to a girl? Anyway,
don't give me missed calls after 9 PM as our parents will be home..". I was
puzzled with her words... is she hinting something? Does she want to talk to
me? She is not the girl with whom I talked before... who is this new
character?
I chose to wait and see because her words were not harsh... at the same time
she wasn't so polite... I thought she might be a tomboy kinda girl and
sister of HER.
On the next day I called up her and again the tomboy came online. She
introduced herself as "Nidhi". According to her words she stays in Vizag and
she was a B.Sc. I year student.
When I asked about HER, she said SHE is her sister named "Anu". Both of them
were studying in same college.
From that day, my schedule was adjusted to have long phone calls with Nidhi.
I starting waking up at 8 AM :) so that we can talk till she starts for
college.
After a week, Nidhi introduced one guy called "Raja" on phone and said he's
her relative cum boyfriend. I inquired whether her sister had any such
friends... then she said SHE doesn't have any.
Nidhi sensed my interest towards her sister and started teasing me when I
raise HER topic.
Days were simply passing like that and oneday when I called Nidhi, Anu
answered the call and told that Nidhi was not at home. I thanked God for
giving such an opportunity to talk to Anu.
Then Anu told me about the relationship between Nidhi and Raja and asked me
not to call Nidhi so often. When I asked for the reason, she said Raja is
not so comfortable when Nidhi talks to other boys.
I promised her that I wouldn't call Nidhi regularly and wished Anu goodbye
and hung up...
That is where the story took its twist...
Part II to be continued tomorrow
Episode 2:
Continuation... :)
After the phone call, I didn't talk to them for 10 days... of course I felt
bad for not talking to them.
10 days later.... October 24th, 2004.
My friends became frustrated seeing me in such a bad mood and to relieve me
from that mood, they took me to a movie.
It's the second show, and we enjoyed the movie a lot... throughout the
movie, whenever I see the heroine (I am sorry I didn't tell the movie
name... it's "Anand" and the heroine is as you know "Kamalini Mukherji") I
wished Anu look like the heroine.
I didn't talk to both Anu and Nidhi for these 10 days... as I was walking
along with my friends towards my room after the movie, I got an SMS.
It's from Anu wishing me good night. In the same SMS she apologized me for
the harsh tone in our previous call. I sent a reply saying "it's ok and I
should have been cautious while talking to girls..."
That's a bull-eye :). My sentimental message had hit her strong.
Immediately I got a call from Anu and she tried to explain how bad she felt
for being harsh on me :) (actually I didn't feel her words harsh at that
time!!!).
I strongly felt that she started thinking of me and at such an odd time she
is trying to apologize... I told myself that it's the twist. Earlier she was
reluctant to let me to talk to her sister. But now, she herself is
interested in me and my feelings. I thought that finally I could get someone
who really thinks of me and cares about my feelings.
My life has come back into action :)
After that we (I and Anu) became good friends and used to talk so often. I
always tried to make her feel that she is something special to me.
It's December 26th, 2004... As it is weekend, I went to my home town and was
busy watching TV.
While surfing through channels, I saw the news about Tsunami... the first
and foremost thing came into my mind is "Anu"... she stays in Vizag which is
on seashore...
Being much worried about her I tried to call her.. but the network traffic
did not allow my call to connect her mobile. So I sent an SMS to her to
check how she is and she instantly replied that she is safe...
On the next day, I talked to her regarding Tsunami and she explained how
their area was affected. She was moved by my concern and care.
After 4 more days, we both exchanged new year wishes and I sensed that year
2005 is going to be the most memorable year in my life.
As someone said that friendship is the base of love, I started to love Anu
and was waiting for time of proposal.
Her sister, Nidhi came to know about my feelings and she used to tease me by
calling "baava" (means brother-in-law).
On 2nd Jan 2005, while talking to Nidhi, I said that I love her sister Anu.
But the destiny has its own plot...
As Nidhi had to go to attend some guest, she handed-over the phone to Anu.
Anu heard the words "I love Anu" silently and she simply hung up.
I was in an impression that I talked to Nidhi only and because of the
signal, the call had been dropped. I tried to call them again but all my
calls were unanswered.
I thought it's the miserable end of story which started in October 2004 :(
and I myself destroyed our friendship.
Part III to be continued ..
Episode: 3
After that incident, my senses went numb for couple of days. I didn't go out
of my room even for an evening tea which we usually used to have in the road
side café.
On 4th Jan 2005, I sent a SMS saying good morning to Anu. Though I sent that
message with no hope, there was a thin ray of hope in my heart.
God has answered all my prayers and I got a reply after an hour. Without
wasting a moment I called Anu and her voice is so normal. she asked why I
wasn't in touch with her.
I was surprised by that question. I was expecting a good bashing from her.
I replied that I was not feeling well and changed the topic.
2 days later on 6th Jan 2005, I got an interview call from a company in
which I appeared for an interview in September 2004 but was not selected.
They told me that they have openings for freshers and asked me to come to
their office for a formal round of interview.
I didn't tell her about the interview because if I lose the interview, I
didn't want to be a loser in her view.
It is 7th Jan 2005, I cleared the interview and got a job with designation
"Junior Software Engineer". The reporting date was 17th Jan 2005 which is 10
days after the interview date.
After the interview I told her about the interview and the job I got. She
wished me all the best and the sound in her voice has boosted my happiness.
I went to a nearby internet café to send emails to all classmates and
friends to inform about my job.
Then at 6:30 PM Anu called me and asked a straight question "I thought you
are a decent and straight mannered guy. but I never expected you to be a
coward who tells about his love to everybody except the girl whom he loves.
Why did you do this?". I did not have a word to answer.
I kept dumb for a moment. Then she said "you idiot, it was me who heard your
words 'I love Anu' on phone. I am not sure if it is love or attraction. But
I can't stop myself saying these words - I LOVE YOU TOO.
but let us first finalize whether it is love or sheer attraction."
I felt like heaven by hearing her words "I LOVE YOU" but at the same time I
was anxious about her second sentence to check if this is love or
attraction. I asked her how we can decide.
She said "let us not be in touch for 4 months. If you still have same
feeling, then it is true love. we will be together forever. If it is just
attraction, we will be distracted from each of us during these 4 months".
With those words my BP has shot up to its maximum but I held my nerve. I
suppressed all my irritation and tried to be so soft. I said "look baby. it
is not movie where the hero and heroine part before interval and get
together in the climax. Put your cinematic thoughts aside and tell me
whether do you love me or not. Time will decide whether it is so called True
Love or not".
She confirmed her love towards me and I sincerely thanked God for such a
wonderful gift to me.
From that day we were happily lost in Love and days are passing simply like
that.
Day by day, the desire to see her was building in me. and finally I told her
about my desire. She took a break and told that she is not so pretty and
asked about my looks.
I said I am an average looking guy with medium built and fair complexion.
Then she asked for my photograph.
It took me a complete day to choose my best looking photograph from my
archives and sent it to her friend's address which was given by her. After
posting the photograph, I called her and asked to send her photo.
After a couple of days, Anu told that her friend has received the parcel and
Anu was going to see the photo on the same day. I said ok and got lost in my
work.
From that day I did not get any call from Anu for 4 days. and when I try to
reach her number it's saying the number is temporarily out of service.
I decided that she did not like my photo and she changed her number to avoid me forever:(:(
Episode 4:
There is no better teacher than life and there is no better doctor than
time.
I madly tried to contact Anu for 3 more days. After that I have given up and
started to hate my luck.
I think I am not just average looking guy... I am far better than many of
guys that I see. I felt it's her bad luck that she has missed a good and
decent guy like me!!
When you run behind your shadow, remember that you are moving away from the
light. When you start leading your shadow, it's your journey towards light.
I started my journey towards light by trying to forget the bitter
experience. I wanted to teach Anu a lesson which she could never forget.
What I didn't know at that time is I am not moving towards light, the light
called Anu was moving towards me :).
It's the day on which I cursed myself a million times for not being
patient... it is Feb 9th 2005.
Our front office executive came to my cubicle and had given an envelope to
me.
I thought it is just a promotional mail that my bank sends periodically...
but when I saw the envelope, the From address is blank and To address was
written by hand.
With a big question mark on face, I put the envelope against some light to
see the contents. There was a postcard which is wrapped by some paper in the
envelope. I could see some writing on the paper and thought it is a letter.
My colleague Chari came to me and threw a weird look at me.
Then I told him about the Photo incident and this envelope. He asked me to
open the envelope and I did so.
I unwrapped the letter from the inlay card. To my surprise, it is not a
card... it is a postcard sized photograph. When I turned it over, I could
see an angel standing in the middle of a sunflower field.
I screamed "yes... she is Anu" and all my cubicle-mates stared at me with a
strange expression on their faces..
Being excited and couldn't control the excitement, I took the envelope,
letter, and that photograph and ran to Fire Exit of our building (Cyber
Gateway).
I saw the photograph for almost 20 minutes and then suddenly I recollected
about the letter. I unfolded the letter and the forewords were "Do you like
my photo? Then enough... now read the message".
In that letter she explained how she liked my photograph and how decent I
look ;). She wrote that her mobile would not be recharged till 09-Feb-2005
because she was going to her native place which is a remote village in
agency area. When I check the date of the letter posted... she posted the
letter exactly on the next day of our last conversation and left to her
native place. Thanks to Indian Postal Service, because of whom the letter
took 10 days to reach Hyderabad from Vizag.
I felt really bad for not being patient and not to have trust in her. I
immediately tried to call her... it was connected and Anu came online.
I apologized her for not understanding her situation. And she's such a kind
hearted to understand my fear and feelings. She said even if she was in my
position, she would have thought like that.
When I asked about the sudden visit to her native place, she said her
grandmother fell ill and they had to go all of a sudden. Also she said her
grandma is fine now.
Then I explained how excited I was when I saw her photo and how beautiful
she is. I could feel the shyness in her voice hearing my words. :)
For the valentine's day, I bought a beautiful gift and sent to her friend's
address as directed by her.
If everything goes smooth in life, people never remember God. Finally God
wants to prove his existence.
Suddenly on one day (it is Feb 19th 2005) I got an SMS from Anu saying "YOU
CHEAT... DON'T PLAY WITH PEOPLE'S EMOTIONS. I DON'T WANT TO SEE YOU AGAIN IN
MY LIFE. GOOD BYE"
I didn't believe what I was seeing on my mobile... I was not sure whether it
is a dream or reality.
Part 5 to be continued ..
Episode 5:
After seeing the message I tried to call Anu many times... but she
didn't
answer the calls and finally she switched off her mobile.
I didn't understand the reason behind that message and was completely
clueless.
I prayed to God for giving me one more opportunity to prove myself
innocent.
I could not bear the name CHEAT.
I decided to write a letter to Anu and post it to her friend Jyothi's
address (postal mail was the only medium between us other than phone).
I wrote a letter to give me the reason for calling me a cheat and asked
if I
have done any mistake...
Before posting the letter, I tried to call Anu and luckily the call was
connected.
Nidhi answered the call and had told that Anu was not at home... she
asked
me why I've played such games with Anu's emotions... I said I didn't
understand her words and asked to give me the reason for such blames.
Then
she told about Vinay. I exclaimed how did they know Vinay and Nidhi told
that he is a distant relative to them.
Vinay, one of my best friends is relative of Anu!!! While I was in the
shock, suddenly Anu snatched the phone from Nidhi and started scolding
me.
I waited for a couple of minutes and I asked Anu to check with Vinay
about
my character and my commitment towards her.
Then Anu sarcastically said "Sir, we came to know about your great
personality and your so-called commitment from Vinay only. If you need
just
popcorn kind of relationship, why do you name it as Love and why do you
play
with people's emotions?". Her words sounded like bullets from an AK-47
rifle
and I asked if I behaved wrongly at any time of this course... she said
no.
I asked her to tell me what Vinay has told them... then she asked if I
have
any cousin who stays at my home... I said yes. But I didn't understand
the
link between my cousin's stay at my home and my love with Anu.
Anu asked me about my last meet/conversation with her. I said I met her
during my last visit to my hometown which was just a week ago. I also
said
that it's just a casual meet and there is no specific purpose.
She started to cry and scold me for hiding that matter... I tried to
console
her with my words but failed...
After a moment she asked if I was engaged with my cousin... I couldn't
control my laughter and it took 5 minutes to come down. Then I asked her
if
she herself got the doubt or Vinay told about my engagement with her...
Anu
said Vinay told about my cousin and my engagement with her. I said "you
fool, my cousin is studying 7th class. And she stays with my mother
because
there is no school in their village. That guy Vinay just knows that
there is
a girl who is my maternal uncle's daughter and stays at my home. He
doesn't
know her age. How can you think that I will marry such kid???".
Anu asked me if I told Vinay that it's just a time pass love. Without
replying I asked her about the relationship between her and Vinay. She
told
that he is her paternal aunt's son. It made clear that Vinay wanted to
wipe
me off from Anu's life. As they both are relatives and Vinay has every
chance to marry Anu, he wanted to separate both of us by projecting me
as
bad. He didn't anticipate that Anu would talk to me and I explain about
my
cousin. I explained the same to Anu that Vinay is trying to separate
both of
us by doing all this.
At first Anu didn't believe this... upon asking her if she wants to talk
me
and Vinay in conference mode, she said it's not necessary and she
completely
agreed with me.
On that day I felt bad that the person whom I trusted the most and
believed
as best friend, had backstabbed me for a girl. At that moment, I decided
to
not to see his face again in my life.
Anyway, I did not lose Anu by his cheap tricks. Anu told me that she
would
teach him a lesson.
The differences came to an end but the story still has miles to go :)
Part 6 to be continued ..
EPISODE6
After the series of misunderstandings I thought of meeting Anu so that all our doubts will go off and our bond will become more strong.
I told Anu the same and asked if I could go Vizag to meet her. She said that they have relatives in Hyderabad and they would be coming
Hyderabad for summer vacation after her annual exams. I felt really happy hearing that she would come to Hyderabad and was
counting down the days.
Finally it's the day 24th May 2005
She said that they were coming by Visakha Express and the coach number was S8. As I was too excited to see her, I went to Secunderabad station before the train's arrival. For the first time in my life, seconds seemed to be minutes and minutes seemed to be hours.
Finally I saw the train coming on to platform number 5 and I ran towards S8. From behind a pole, I was watching the passengers alighting the
train. I saw a family consisting of a father and two daughters where one of the girls staring at me... I didn't pay much attention to them and
was searching for Anu. Finally I got a doubt if those two girls are Anu and Nidhi!!
I picked up my mobile and dialed Anu's number. My guess was correct...
the mobile rang just in front of me with one of those two girls (the second girl was the one who stared at me). That girl was facing her back
to me and I could not see her face properly.
She picked up the call and said hello. Then I said "hey green dress, turnaround... your love is waiting behind you". By hearing those words
she turned back and man... she looks absolutely beautiful. I could see her sweet smile which I used to hear for past 7 months on
phone. She looks gorgeous in that green color salwar kameez. Her skin tone is almost similar to milk cream and her eyes are in
complete contrast to her complexion. And the morning wind is playing with her curly hair. When she turns towards me, I was speechless. I
thanked God again for this wonderful gift of my life.
She might be feeling little discomfort with my gazes :)... she then adjusted her hair and said with a low tone "enough dear... now we've to
go our relatives' home. Let's meet later. Bye for now"
With those words I came back into this world and was following her silently. Her sister is also looking good but she looks older than her
elder sister :).
They were waiting for the city bus and her relatives were accompanying them. I was standing a bit far from them and looking at my angel.
Then came the disturber... a vegetables vendor came to me and asked if the bus in front of me goes to Begumpet or not. I said that it would.
Then he asked me to help him lift the vegetables basket and I had no choice. Anu and Nidhi burst into laughter seeing my face... as I didn't
want to be disturbed again, after helping the vendor I changed my location to next bus shelter.
Their bus had come and they got into bus. As it goes to Krishna Nagar and I've to get down at Ameerpet, I too boarded the bus. I got a seat
exactly behind Anu's seat and her father sat beside me...!! I was trying to be very decent in the presence of their father and made
no signs to Anu.
As the bus moves, the wind swayed her hair gently and I could smell the fragrance of her hair. I bet she must have washed her hair with Rejoice shampoo (it was her favorite :)) before boarding the train. These bus drivers drive fast when we need it really slow and when we are in urgency they drive like as if they are riding a bullock cart. We reached Ameerpet in just 20 minutes from Sec'bad and I had to get down.
I got down the bus and sent her an SMS saying I'll be in dayshift on that day. She replied saying OK. I got a call from her @ 11 AM and said she would like to meet me on the next day. I said I'd make my shift to be shifted to night and meet her. We both had decided to meet at Durgam Cheruvu on the next day at exactly 4:30 PM.
On the next day 25th May, 2005.
I was waiting for them at Krishna Nagar bus stop from 4:30 PM. I waited till 5 PM but they did not turn up.
I decided to wait till 5:15 PM and even then if don't turn up, I would leave the place and go back to my room. Then she came along with her sister and her cousin Priya.
We four had engaged an auto rickshaw to Durgam Cheruvu and reached Durgam Cheruvu by 5:40 PM.
Priya said that she and Nidhi will roam around Hitec city and asked me and Anu to spend time alone. I thanked her and took Anu into the park at
Durgam Cheruvu.
I was not aware of the consequences of our meet and the next twist of our love.
Part 7 to be continued .
EPISODE7
-As thought by Anu
It was 25th May, 2005
I met Nani at Durgam Cheruvu. He is such a nice guy with who cares much about me and my feelings.
He took my hand and guided me to the park on the bank of that lake. I could see many couples sitting there... and I am sure most of them were lovebirds :).
We had a tough time finding an empty bench in that park and finally Nani saw a bench which is almost invisible to outer world. He said that we would sit on that bench... but I hesitated to go there as I kept remembering Priya's words that guys would take advantage of being
invisible to others... I said "Nani, why can't we sit here in the lawn?
Do we really need to sit on a bench to talk?". Poor guy.. without a word, he sat on the grass in the lawn and I did the same. We kept quiet for a moment and I was waiting for him to break the ice. When I looked at him, he was staring at me. I could see a lot of love
towards me in his eyes. I smiled at him and asked about his office. He asked to keep office, studies, parents, and the world away because
it's the moment of his life where he met me for the first time.
He complemented that I look more beautiful than I looked in the photograph. I blushed and said thanks :).
I guess most of the guys are possessive at their women. Earlier I didn't know the reason behind asking me to sit on the hidden bench. But after a while I strongly felt like running towards that bench along with Nani. A group of boys (probably they were some engineering college guys) was roaming around the park and passing some bad comments towards the couples they encounter. Being offended by their comments, all the couples sitting on the lawn were leaving the place. Before they come to our place, I told Nani that we would go to the bench which the bad boys could not see.
We went there and spent some time... all the time Nani was fascinated by my looks and my skin tone. He asked about the soap I use... when I asked why, he told that he would use the same to get the same skin tone I have :). At that moment, he looked like a kid to me. I took his arm and gently pressed it. That time I determined to not to lose this nice guy at any cost.
After our first meet, we met for 4 more times in Hyderabad. Twice at his office in Hitec city and two more times at Durgam Cheruvu.
June 7th, 2005
It's just one day before the day on which we had to go back to Vizag. I was not able to digest the fact that I had to leave Nani. On the
previous day we met at Jubilee Hills Peddamma Temple and he gave me a sweet gift along with a beautiful greeting card. I was all tears while
waving him good bye :(
June 8th, 2005
We were all set to start to Secunderabad. Nidhi, Priya, and myself started to the railway station before the stipulated time to check the
reservation status of our berths. My Dad and all my relatives will reach by the scheduled time. While we were in the bus, I got a call from Nani and he wished me a very happy journey.
We reached station by 2:30 PM and to my surprise, Nani was waiting for us at the reservation counter. I jumped in joy by seeing him. He came to me with a naughty smile and winked at me. Priya and Nidhi went to the machine to check the status of our reservation and we sat on a bench. We talked about an hour and finally they both came with some biscuits and water bottle.
My dad and relatives reached the station by 4 PM. Nidhi and Priya went out to receive them and we both were in Train compartment. After a
while, Priya called me and told that they were approaching the compartment. We both exchanged the best wishes and he left the compartment with a heavy heart... he stayed till the train starts from the platform and we parted with tears in eyes.
We reached Vizag by next morning and I called him and acknowledged our safe journey.
After our meet, our bond had become much stronger. After a couple of months, he told that he wanted to see me again :)
Generally my parents would go to our native place on every month-end to visit my grandparents. So I thought that it would be the best time for us to meet . I took my friends' help to arrange the accommodation for him and invited him to Vizag. He came to Vizag twice and we both spent good time visiting all places in and around Vizag. One of my friends had arranged accommodation for
him.
It was his third visit to Vizag. It was 29th Sep, 2005. We didn't know that it would be our last meet.
We both went to Rishikonda by my friend's bike. There we both sat on a stone and were looking at the beauty of the sea. There were many people who were there for site seeing. Suddenly I could feel that somebody from the nearest group was watching both of us. I told the same to Nani and we left the place.
That was the day on which the luck started to play with our love and lives.
Part 8 to be continued .
EPISODE8
-Nani Again
After our third meet at Vizag, I came back to Hyderabad and for two days I was pretty busy with my official work. During those 2 days, I had very short conversations with Anu and she sounded little disturbed with my response.
Finally we've accomplished the successful release of our project and I got some leisure. I called up Anu and I could hear a guy's voice over the phone. I wondered if I had dialed wrong number. I rechecked the number and tried again. To my surprise the same guy has answered the call. He told it is wrong number and when I asked about Anu, he turned to be harsh at his words.
He said it's Anu's number only and she gave him the mobile. I didn't understand why did she gave her mobile to that guy and asked the same.
He told that he is her lover and asked about my details.
I introduced myself as her friend and I requested him to make her to talk to me once. Then he started to use all abusive language which I cannot write here. :( and warned me to not to call again.
I was 100% (even more) sure that Anu wouldn't cheat me and this guy was lying. But I have no way to contact Anu to know what's happened.
I thought of going Vizag again to see her and to know the happenings at her home. I booked the ticket to Visakha Express for the next day.
I packed some clothes and started to the railway station. While I was on the way, Anu called me and told that she wants to forget me and asked me to send her photo and gifts back to her.
I didn't believe what I heard. when I asked to repeat, she said "I want to wipe you off from my life. I never met a guy called Nani. I am in love with a handsome guy called Gopi. He is my fiancé. I am going to marry him after my graduation. Is it enough? Then forget me. Bye" and she simply hung up.
I was confused after hearing these words. if she wants to play a prank or does she really mean it. I tried to call her but she didn't answer the calls.
Even after such disheartening conversation, I did not give up the thought of going to Vizag. I headed towards the railway station and boarded the train.
After sitting in the train I recollected the scenes happened in my office. I had to lie to my manager that one of my close relatives has died and I'd to go out of station. He sanctioned me the leave but my colleagues were able to read my mind. They asked if anything is wrong with Anu. I said no and walked out of office.
I don't know whether God had forgotten to fit sensitive hearts to beautiful girls. Where my colleagues can sense the pain I feel, why this girl cannot?
I went there and when I go to their friend Mohan's home, he told me that he saw Anu with a new guy and they both were very close to each other.
I asked about the location where he saw them together. He said it's Bheemili. I heard once that there are some stealth places in Bheemili where lovers use to go for privacy.
I felt shocked to learn that she was leaning on his back where he was in the driving seat of Karizma bike. It is true that I felt really bad of being a jackass but I didn't lose hope.
I took Mohan's mobile and tried to call Anu. She answered the call and got surprised to hear my voice on the phone. She said that she was with her fiancé at some restaurant and asked me to hang up.
I could hear that some guy is talking to Anu in the backdrop and she was laughing loudly at his jokes. I stayed there for two more days and finally I could meet her in the beach..
When I meet her, she was in sleeveless top and a kapri. I remember that in the earlier days of our love, she told me that she doesn't like western wear. But now I am seeing her in the western clad.
I asked about our relationship and she told that it's all bulls&*%. I could not control my anger and threw her photo and her gifts at her and asked her to check if everything is returned or not.
She recklessly took them and thrown into sea. I somehow managed my senses from slapping her and said "see Anu, I don't know the reason behind your behavior. but one thing is true. It doesn't matter whether you love me or not. I love you truly and totally. I will remember you forever as it's my first love. I know it's the end of my love. I will never show my face to you. At least please don't break his (new guy) heart.".
She smiled carelessly and said "tell me something new man. I got bored of hearing all such nonsense for past 10 months". I didn't utter a single word and left the place with broken heart.
- Nani.
Nani stopped writing this and closed his eyes.
His son came from behind and hugged him. Nani smiled and took his son into his lap. Then came his wife with a hot cup of coffee. After giving the cup to Nani, she asked "so, did your story come to an end? Now can I see the complete story?".
Nani replied "No, still one more part to go. I am planning to narrate the reason behind the change in Anu's behavior and her point of view. Probably that would be the end of this story. I will write it over this weekend and show it to you on Monday. Then you can read the complete story".
Nani wrote the story over that weekend and shown it to his wife on the immediate Monday.
Part 9 to be continued .
EPISODE9
The End:
October 5th, 2005
This is the worst day of my life. I broke the heart and trust of Nani.
I heard many incidents about boys who abuse girls when they reject their love and some people even gone mad and killed the girls.
I knew that Nani is not such a psycho. But what did I expect was, at least he hates me and expresses the same feeling on my face. But he burst into tears and left the place without uttering a word.
I curse myself to be rude at him and to break his heart. I know it is the biggest sin I have committed in my life. But I did not have a choice.
When we both were at Rishikonda, I could feel that somebody had been watching us. I felt very uncomfortable being there... and we left the place.
I could realize the consequence only when my uncle Manu reached our home on the next day. When he asked about my studies, I said I was doing good.
Later he asked about my friends. As I didn't understand his intention behind that question, I took it normal and said they are fine.
Then he said "how is your boyfriend? Is he still in Vizag or left for his place?". For a moment, I could not believe my ears.
To my surprise, he said he knew everything about our meets including our meet @ Durgam Cheruvu. He said that one of his friends saw me at
Rishikonda and the same guy had seen me with Nani in Hyderabad.
He said that his friend had seen us spending together at Durgam Cheruvu.
I learnt from him that his friend was one of the bad boys we encountered at Durgam Cheruvu, I started to beg him not to say this to my parents.
Then he said "do you know how respectable are your parents at your native place? Do you know the consequences of your foolish act? Can you imagine your parents' situation if you marry a guy who doesn't belong to our community?
Do you expect that someone comes out of this world to marry your younger sister if you marry that guy?"
I didn't have answer to any of his questions.. I started to weep.
Then again he said "see, you are not a child to slap... you are not adult to explain in words... but one thing is sure. If you marry that boy, your parents would not live anymore. They would commit suicide. Now the choice is yours. Choose only one thing between your love and your parents."
In that evening, my mother came to me and said that one of my school teachers had met her and praised about me and my attitude.
He saw me for the last time when I was in my 10th class. My mother told that she's proud of me.
I didn't know how to respond. I cannot leave Nani but at the same time, I cannot live without my parents.
It all happened because of me... it was me who had grown hopes in Nani. It was me who had met Nani in Hyderabad. It was me who did not think about our socio-religious conditions.
I don't know whether the words of my uncle are part of emotional blackmail or not... but the only thing I know is, if I do any mistake, my sister Nidhi and my parents have to pay for it.
Finally I decided to sacrifice my love. I don't think that Nani would listen to my words if tell him with a soft tone. He will even try to meet my parents to convince them for our marriage. If he meets my parents, my uncle will not leave him safe. So, I decided to break his love... and wanted him to hate me.
For that I asked my uncle to act as my boyfriend... he agreed readily because he was happy that Nani would be wiped off my life.
I met my friends and told them to project me bad when Nani meets them. Manu, my uncle and my friend Mohan have done their job.
But it was me who hurt my love the most... I behaved like a bi^#&. I bought a pair of western casuals (I said to Nani that I don't like western wear so as he) and had worn them when I met him.
He was surprised to see me in western attire but did not pay much attention to that as he had something serious to worry about... it's our love. When he tried to express his feelings and told how much he loves me, I was moved from the bottom of my heart. But I didn't show any of the expressions on my face and had spoken with an irritated voice and asked him to say something new. I wonder how my heart became so hard like a rock.
Finally he said his last words and left the place with tears in eyes.
I could not control sorrow anymore when Nani broken into tears... I collapsed in the beach after his departure
I am the most unlucky girl on this earth to miss such a nice guy. I don't know if I have done the right thing by choosing my parents. But I am very sure that I've committed the biggest mistake by breaking Nani's heart. I will not say that I don't know that my parents would not agree for our marriage. I knew that they won't agree... but I thought that I could convince them for our marriage.
Now I am leading a life which is not mine. I am married to a person who never cares about me or my feelings. But I don’t feel bad to be with such person. I deserve this miserable life.
Here I urge all girls not to fall in love if you think you can't convince your parents for your marriage. We cannot afford to play with peoples' emotions, neither should they. All the guys would not be like Nani. There will be some guys who even kill either you or themselves.
Thursday 3 December 2009
Heart touching LOVE Story.....
Got it as a fwd…..
I am totally speechless, this story brought tears to my eyes as I read through each line eager to know what would happen next. It truly showed the devastating power of grudges and anger! Simple humility and communication would have resolved most of the problems in that story, as well as patience.... This story has really touched my heart and life as a whole and it has stimulated a paradigm shift. Though it is very sad, it is also very refreshing to know that from today, I can consciously start to live a life free of grudge. People please let's live a life devoid of grudge. MODERATE Communication is key….
Small misunderstandings may result in a lifetime of regrets.
This is for all the single, married, divorced, widowed individuals, who take life for granted. Please, read this story until the end, it is such an opener.
You never Know.........!
Just two years after our marriage, hubby brought up the idea of asking Mother to move from the rural hometown and spend her remaining years with us. Hubby's father passed away while he was still very young. Mother endured much hardship and struggled all on her own to provide for him, see him through to a university degree. You could say that she suffered a great deal and did everything you could expect of a woman to bring hubby to where he is today. I immediately agreed and started packing the spare room, which has a balcony facing the South to let her enjoy the sunshine and plant greenery. Hubby stood in the bright room, and suddenly just picked me up and started spinning round and round. As I begged him to put me down, he said: "Lets go fetch mother".
Hubby is tall and big sized and I love to test on his chest and enjoy the feeling that he could pick me up at any moment put the tiny me into his pockets. Whenever we have an argument and both refuses to back down, he would pick me up and spin me over his head continuously until I surrender and beg for mercy. I became addicted to this kind of panic-joy feeling.
Mother brought along her countryside habits and lifestyle with her. For example; I am so used to buying flowers to decorate the living room, she could not stand it and would comment: "I do not know how you young people spend your money, why do you buy flowers for? You also can't eat flowers!" I smiled and said: "Mum, with flowers in the house, our mood will also become better." Mother continues to grumble away, and hubby smiled: "Mum, this is a city-people's habit; slowly you will get use to it". Mother stopped saying anything.
But every time thereafter, whenever came home with flowers, she would ask me how much it costs. I told her and she would shake her head and express displeasure. Sometimes, when I come home with lots of shopping bags, she would ask each and every item how much they cost, I would tell her honestly and she would get even more upset about it. Hubby playfully pinched my nose and said: "You little fool, just don't tell her the full price of everything would solve it." There begins the friction to our otherwise happy lifestyle.
Mother hates it most when hubby wakes up early to prepare the breakfast. In your view, how could the man of the house cook for the wife? At the breakfast table, mother facial expression is always like the dark clouds before a thunderstorm and I would pretend not to notice. She would use her chopsticks and make a lot of noise with it as her silent protest. As I am a dance teacher in the Children's Palace and am exhausted from along day of dancing around, I do not wish to give up the luxury of that additional few minutes in the comfort of my bed and hence I turned a deaf ear to all the protest mother makes.
From time to time, mother would help out with some housework, but soon her help created additional work for me. For example: she would keep all kinds of plastic bags accumulating them so that she sell them later on, and resulted in our house being filled with all the trash bags; she would scrimp on dish washing detergent when helping to wash the dishes and so as not to hurt her feelings, I would quietly wash them again. One day, late at night, mother saw me quietly washing the dishes, and "Bam" she slams her bedroom door and cried very loudly in her room. Hubby was placed in a difficult position, and after that, he did not speak to me for that entire night. I pretended to be a spoilt child, tried acting cute, but he totally ignored me.... I got mad and asked him: "What did I do wrong?" Hubby stared at me and said: "Can't you just give in to her once? We couldn't possibly die eating from a bowl however unclean it is, right?" After that incident, for a long period of time, mother did not speak to me and you can feel that there is a very awkward feeling hanging in the house.
During that period of cold war, hubby was caught in dilemma as to who to please. In order to stop her son from having to prepare breakfast, mother took on the "all important" task of preparing breakfast without any prompting. At the breakfast table, mother would look at hubby happily eating his breakfast and cast that reprimanding stare at me for having failed to perform my duty as a wife. To avoid the embarrassing breakfast situation, I resorted to buying my own breakfast on my way to work. That night, while in bed, hubby was a little upset and asked me: "LD, is it because you think that mum's cooking is not clean that's why you chose not to eat at home?" He then turned his back on me and left me alone in tears as feeling of unfairness overwhelmed me.. After some time, hubby sighed: "LD, just for me, can you have breakfast at home?" I am left with no choice but to return to the breakfast table.
The next morning, I was having porridge prepared by mother and I felt a sudden churn in my stomach and everything inside seem to be rushing up my throat. I tried to suppress the urge to throw up but I could not. I threw down the bowl, rushed into the washroom, and vomited everything out. Just as I was catching my breath, I saw mother crying and grumbling very loudly in her dialect, hubby was standing at the washroom doorway staring at me with fire burning in his eyes.. I opened my mouth but no words came out of it, I really did not mean it.
We had our very first big fight that day; mother took a look at us, then stood up and slowly made her way out of the house. Hubby gave me a final stare in the eye and followed mother down the stairs. For three days, hubby did not return home, not even a phone call. I was so furious, since mother arrived; I had been trying my best and putting up with her, what else do you want me to do? For no reason, I keep having the feeling to throw up and I simply have not appetite for food, coupled with all the events happening at home, I was at then low point in my life. Finally, a colleague said: "LD, you look terrible; you should go and see a doctor." The doctor confirmed that I am pregnant.
Now it became clear to me why I threw up that fateful morning, a sense of sadness floated through that otherwise happy news. Why didn't hubby, and mother who had been through this before, thought of the possibility of this being the reason that day? At the hospital entrance, I saw my hubby standing there. It had only been three days, but he looked haggard. I had wanted to turn and leave, but one look at him and my heart soften, I couldn't resist and called out to him. He followed my voice and finally found me but he pretended that he doesn't know me; he has that disgusted look in his eyes that cut right through my heart. I told myself not to look at him anymore, and hail a cab. At that moment, I have such a strong urge inside me to shout to my hubby: "Darling, I am having your baby!" and have him lift me up and spin me around in circles of joy. What I wanted didn't happen and as I sat in the cab, my tears started rolling down. Why? Why our love couldn't even withstand the test of one fight?
Back home, I lay on the bed thinking about my hubby, and the disgusted look in his eyes. I cried and wet the corner of the blanket. That night, sound of the drawers opening woke me up. I switched on the lights and I saw hubby with tears rolling down his face. He was removing the money. I stared at him in silence; he ignored me, took the bank deposit book and some money and left the house. Maybe he really intends to leave me for good. What a rational man, so clear-cut in love and money matters. I gave a few dried laugh and tears starting streaming down again.
The next day, I did not go to work.. I wanted to clear this out and have a good talk with hubby. I reached his office and his secretary gave me a weird look and said: "Mr. Tan's mother had a traffic accident and is now in the hospital." I stood there in shock. I rushed to the hospital and by the time I found hubby, mother had already passed away. Hubby did not look at me, his face was expressionless. I looked at mother's pale white and thin face and I couldn't control the tears in my eyes. My god, how could this happen?
Throughout the funeral, hubby did not say a single word to me, with only the occasional disgusted stare at me. I only managed to find out brief facts about the accident from other people. That day, after mother left the house, she walked in dazed toward the bus stop, apparently intending to go back to her old house back in the countryside. As hubby ran after her, she tried to walk faster and as she tried to cross the street, a public bus came and hit her...I finally understood how much hubby must hate me, if I had not thrown up that morning, if we had not quarreled, if....In his heart, I am indirectly the killer of his mother.
Hubby moved into mother's room and came home every night with a strong liquor smell on him. And me, I am buried under the guilt and self-pity and could hardly breathe. I wanted to explain to him, tell him that we are going to have our baby soon, but each time, I saw the dead look in his eyes, all the words I have at the brink of my mouth just fell back in. I had rather he hit me real hard or give me a big and thorough scolding though none of these events happening had been my fault at all.
Many days of suffocating silence went by and as the days went by, hubby came home later and later. The deadlock between us continues, we were living together like strangers who don't know each other. I am like the dead knot in his heart. One day, I passed by a western restaurant, looking into the glass window, I saw hubby and a girl sitting facing each other and he very lightly brushed her hair for her, I understood what it meant. After recovering from that moment of shock, I entered the restaurant, stood in front of my hubby and stared hard at him, not a tear in my eyes. I have nothing to say to him, and there is no need to say anything. The girl looked at me, looks at hubby, stands up and wanted to go, hubby stretched out his hand and stopped her. He stared back at me,challenging me. I can only hear my slow heart beat, beating, one by one as if at the brink of death. I eventually backed down, if I had stood that any longer, I will collapse together with the baby inside me. That night, he did not come home; he had chosen to use that as a way to indicate to me: Following mother's death so did our love for each other.
He did not come home anymore after that. Sometimes, when I returned home from work, I can tell that the cupboard had been touched - he had returned to take some of his stuff. I no longer wish to call him; the initial desire to explain everything to him vanished. I lived alone; I go for my medical checkups alone, my heart breaks again and again every time I see a guy carefully helping his wife through the physical examination. My office colleagues hinted to me to consider aborting the baby, I told them No, I will not.. I insisted on having to this baby, perhaps it is my way of repaying mother for causing her death.
One day, I came home and I saw hubby sitting in the living room. The whole house was filled with cigarette smoke. On the coffee table, there was this piece of paper. I know what it is all about without even looking at it. In the two months plus of living alone, I have gradually learned to find peace within myself. I looked at him, removed my hat and said: "You wait a while, I will sign." He looked at me, mixed feelings in his eyes, just like mine. As I hang up my coat, I keep repeating to myself "You cannot cry, you cannot cry..." my eyes hurt terribly, but I refused to let tears come out from there. After I hung up my coat, hubby's eyes stared fixed at my bulging tummy. I smiled, walked over to the coffee table and pulled the paper towards me. Without even looking at what it says, I signed my name on it and pushed the paper to him. "LD, are you pregnant?" Since mother's accident, this is the first time he spoke to me. I could not control my tears any further and they fell like raindrops. I said: "Yes, but its ok, you can leave now." He did not go, in the dark, we sat, facing each other. Hubby slowly moved over me, his tears wet the blanket. In my heart, everything seems so far away, so far that even if I sprint, I could never reach them. I cannot remember how many times he repeated "sorry" to me. I had originally thought that I would forgive him, but now I can't. In the western restaurant, in front of that girl, that cold look in his eyes, I will never forget, ever. We have drawn such deep scars in each other's heart. For me, it's unintentional; for him, totally intentional. I had been waiting for this moment of reconciliation, but I realized now, what had gone past is gone forever and could not repeated.
Other than the thought of the baby inside me that would bring some warmth to my heart, I am totally cold towards him, I no longer eat anything he buys for me, I don't take any presents from him and I stopped talking to him. From the moment I signed on that piece of paper, marriage and love had vanished from my heart. Sometimes, hubby will try to come into the bedroom, but when he walks in, I will walk out to the living room. He had no choice but to sleep in mother's room. At night, from his room, I can hear light sounds of groaning, I kept quiet.. This used to be his trick; last time, whenever I ignore him, he would fake illness and I will surrender and find out what is wrong with him, he would then grab me and laugh. He has forgotten that last time I cared for him and am concerned because there was love, but now, what is there between us? Hubby's groaning came on and off continuing but I continuously ignored him.
Almost every day, he would buy something for the baby, infant products, children products and books that kids like to read. Bags and bags of it stacked inside his room till it is full. I know he is trying to use this to reach out to me, but I am no longer moved by his actions. He has no choice but to lock himself in his room and I can hear his typing away on his computer keyboard, maybe he is now addicted to web surfing but none of that matters to me anymore.
It was sometime towards the end of spring in the following year, one late night, I screamed because of a sudden stomach pain, hubby came rushing into the room, its like he did not change and sleep, and had been waiting for this moment. He carried me and ran down the stairs, stopped a car, holding my hand very tightly and kept wiping the sweat off my brow, throughout the journey to the hospital. Once we reached the hospital, he carried me and hurried into the delivery suite. Lying on the back of his skinny but warmth body, a thought crossed my mind: In my lifetime, who else would love me as much as he did? He held the delivery suite door opened and watch me go in; his warm eyes caused me to manage a smile at him despite my contraction pain. Coming out of the delivery room, hubby looked at our son and me, eyes tear with joy and he kept smiling. I reached out and touched his hand. Hubby looked at me, smiling and then he slowly collapsed onto the floor. I cried out for him in pain... He smiled, but without opening that tired eyes of his... I had thought that I would never shed any tear for him, but the truth is, I have never felt a deeper pain cutting through my body at that moment. Doctor said that by the time hubby discovered he had liver cancer, it was already in terminal stage and it was a miracle that he managed to last this long. I asked the doctor when he first discovered he had cancer. Doctor said about 5 months ago and consoled me saying: "Prepare for his funeral."
I disregarded the nurse's objection and rushed home, I went into his room and checked his computer, and a suffocating pain hits me. Hubby's cancer was discovered 5 months ago, his groaning was real, and I had thought that... the computer showed over 200 thousand words he wrote for our son:
"Son, just for you, I have persisted, to be able to take a look at you before I fall, is my biggest wish now.... I know that in your life, you will have many happiness and maybe some setbacks, if only I can accompany you throughout that journey, how nice would it be. But daddy now no longer has that chance. Daddy has written inside here all the possible difficulties and problems you may encounter during your lifetime, when you meet with these problems, you can refer to daddy's suggestion ... Son, after writing these 200 thousand words, I feel as if I have accompanied you through life journey. To be honest, daddy is very happy. Do love your mother, she has suffered, she is the one who loves you most and also the one who loves me most..." From play school to primary school, to secondary, university, to work and even in dealing with questions of love, everything big and small was written there.
Hubby has also written a letter for me:
"My dear, to marry you is my biggest happiness, forgive me for the pain I have caused you, forgive me for not telling you my illness, because I want to see you be in a joyful mood waiting for the arrival of our baby...My dear, if you cried, it means that you have forgiven me and I would smile, thank you for loving me...These presents, I'm afraid I cannot give them to our son personally, could you help me to give some of them to him every year, the dates on what to give when are all written on the packaging... "
Going back to the hospital, hubby is still in coma. I brought our son over and place him beside him. I said: "Open your eyes and smile, I want our son to remember being in the warmth of your arms..." He struggled to open his eyes and managed a weak smile. Our son still in his arms was happily waving his tiny hands in the air. I press the button on the camera and the sound of the shutter rang through the air as tears slowly rolled down my face.... A fatal misunderstanding and the person who loves me the most in this world is gone forever..."Cruel misunderstandings one after another disrupted the blissful footsteps to our family. Our originals intend of having Mother enjoy some quiet and peaceful moments in her remaining years with us went terribly wrong as destiny's secret is finally revealed at a price, everything became too late."........
This is a true story.
LEARNING POINT - DO NOT EVER HOLD ON TO OFFENCES!!!
I am totally speechless, this story brought tears to my eyes as I read through each line eager to know what would happen next. It truly showed the devastating power of grudges and anger! Simple humility and communication would have resolved most of the problems in that story, as well as patience.... This story has really touched my heart and life as a whole and it has stimulated a paradigm shift. Though it is very sad, it is also very refreshing to know that from today, I can consciously start to live a life free of grudge. People please let's live a life devoid of grudge. Communication is key.
Take greatest care and live on.
I am totally speechless, this story brought tears to my eyes as I read through each line eager to know what would happen next. It truly showed the devastating power of grudges and anger! Simple humility and communication would have resolved most of the problems in that story, as well as patience.... This story has really touched my heart and life as a whole and it has stimulated a paradigm shift. Though it is very sad, it is also very refreshing to know that from today, I can consciously start to live a life free of grudge. People please let's live a life devoid of grudge. MODERATE Communication is key….
Small misunderstandings may result in a lifetime of regrets.
This is for all the single, married, divorced, widowed individuals, who take life for granted. Please, read this story until the end, it is such an opener.
You never Know.........!
Just two years after our marriage, hubby brought up the idea of asking Mother to move from the rural hometown and spend her remaining years with us. Hubby's father passed away while he was still very young. Mother endured much hardship and struggled all on her own to provide for him, see him through to a university degree. You could say that she suffered a great deal and did everything you could expect of a woman to bring hubby to where he is today. I immediately agreed and started packing the spare room, which has a balcony facing the South to let her enjoy the sunshine and plant greenery. Hubby stood in the bright room, and suddenly just picked me up and started spinning round and round. As I begged him to put me down, he said: "Lets go fetch mother".
Hubby is tall and big sized and I love to test on his chest and enjoy the feeling that he could pick me up at any moment put the tiny me into his pockets. Whenever we have an argument and both refuses to back down, he would pick me up and spin me over his head continuously until I surrender and beg for mercy. I became addicted to this kind of panic-joy feeling.
Mother brought along her countryside habits and lifestyle with her. For example; I am so used to buying flowers to decorate the living room, she could not stand it and would comment: "I do not know how you young people spend your money, why do you buy flowers for? You also can't eat flowers!" I smiled and said: "Mum, with flowers in the house, our mood will also become better." Mother continues to grumble away, and hubby smiled: "Mum, this is a city-people's habit; slowly you will get use to it". Mother stopped saying anything.
But every time thereafter, whenever came home with flowers, she would ask me how much it costs. I told her and she would shake her head and express displeasure. Sometimes, when I come home with lots of shopping bags, she would ask each and every item how much they cost, I would tell her honestly and she would get even more upset about it. Hubby playfully pinched my nose and said: "You little fool, just don't tell her the full price of everything would solve it." There begins the friction to our otherwise happy lifestyle.
Mother hates it most when hubby wakes up early to prepare the breakfast. In your view, how could the man of the house cook for the wife? At the breakfast table, mother facial expression is always like the dark clouds before a thunderstorm and I would pretend not to notice. She would use her chopsticks and make a lot of noise with it as her silent protest. As I am a dance teacher in the Children's Palace and am exhausted from along day of dancing around, I do not wish to give up the luxury of that additional few minutes in the comfort of my bed and hence I turned a deaf ear to all the protest mother makes.
From time to time, mother would help out with some housework, but soon her help created additional work for me. For example: she would keep all kinds of plastic bags accumulating them so that she sell them later on, and resulted in our house being filled with all the trash bags; she would scrimp on dish washing detergent when helping to wash the dishes and so as not to hurt her feelings, I would quietly wash them again. One day, late at night, mother saw me quietly washing the dishes, and "Bam" she slams her bedroom door and cried very loudly in her room. Hubby was placed in a difficult position, and after that, he did not speak to me for that entire night. I pretended to be a spoilt child, tried acting cute, but he totally ignored me.... I got mad and asked him: "What did I do wrong?" Hubby stared at me and said: "Can't you just give in to her once? We couldn't possibly die eating from a bowl however unclean it is, right?" After that incident, for a long period of time, mother did not speak to me and you can feel that there is a very awkward feeling hanging in the house.
During that period of cold war, hubby was caught in dilemma as to who to please. In order to stop her son from having to prepare breakfast, mother took on the "all important" task of preparing breakfast without any prompting. At the breakfast table, mother would look at hubby happily eating his breakfast and cast that reprimanding stare at me for having failed to perform my duty as a wife. To avoid the embarrassing breakfast situation, I resorted to buying my own breakfast on my way to work. That night, while in bed, hubby was a little upset and asked me: "LD, is it because you think that mum's cooking is not clean that's why you chose not to eat at home?" He then turned his back on me and left me alone in tears as feeling of unfairness overwhelmed me.. After some time, hubby sighed: "LD, just for me, can you have breakfast at home?" I am left with no choice but to return to the breakfast table.
The next morning, I was having porridge prepared by mother and I felt a sudden churn in my stomach and everything inside seem to be rushing up my throat. I tried to suppress the urge to throw up but I could not. I threw down the bowl, rushed into the washroom, and vomited everything out. Just as I was catching my breath, I saw mother crying and grumbling very loudly in her dialect, hubby was standing at the washroom doorway staring at me with fire burning in his eyes.. I opened my mouth but no words came out of it, I really did not mean it.
We had our very first big fight that day; mother took a look at us, then stood up and slowly made her way out of the house. Hubby gave me a final stare in the eye and followed mother down the stairs. For three days, hubby did not return home, not even a phone call. I was so furious, since mother arrived; I had been trying my best and putting up with her, what else do you want me to do? For no reason, I keep having the feeling to throw up and I simply have not appetite for food, coupled with all the events happening at home, I was at then low point in my life. Finally, a colleague said: "LD, you look terrible; you should go and see a doctor." The doctor confirmed that I am pregnant.
Now it became clear to me why I threw up that fateful morning, a sense of sadness floated through that otherwise happy news. Why didn't hubby, and mother who had been through this before, thought of the possibility of this being the reason that day? At the hospital entrance, I saw my hubby standing there. It had only been three days, but he looked haggard. I had wanted to turn and leave, but one look at him and my heart soften, I couldn't resist and called out to him. He followed my voice and finally found me but he pretended that he doesn't know me; he has that disgusted look in his eyes that cut right through my heart. I told myself not to look at him anymore, and hail a cab. At that moment, I have such a strong urge inside me to shout to my hubby: "Darling, I am having your baby!" and have him lift me up and spin me around in circles of joy. What I wanted didn't happen and as I sat in the cab, my tears started rolling down. Why? Why our love couldn't even withstand the test of one fight?
Back home, I lay on the bed thinking about my hubby, and the disgusted look in his eyes. I cried and wet the corner of the blanket. That night, sound of the drawers opening woke me up. I switched on the lights and I saw hubby with tears rolling down his face. He was removing the money. I stared at him in silence; he ignored me, took the bank deposit book and some money and left the house. Maybe he really intends to leave me for good. What a rational man, so clear-cut in love and money matters. I gave a few dried laugh and tears starting streaming down again.
The next day, I did not go to work.. I wanted to clear this out and have a good talk with hubby. I reached his office and his secretary gave me a weird look and said: "Mr. Tan's mother had a traffic accident and is now in the hospital." I stood there in shock. I rushed to the hospital and by the time I found hubby, mother had already passed away. Hubby did not look at me, his face was expressionless. I looked at mother's pale white and thin face and I couldn't control the tears in my eyes. My god, how could this happen?
Throughout the funeral, hubby did not say a single word to me, with only the occasional disgusted stare at me. I only managed to find out brief facts about the accident from other people. That day, after mother left the house, she walked in dazed toward the bus stop, apparently intending to go back to her old house back in the countryside. As hubby ran after her, she tried to walk faster and as she tried to cross the street, a public bus came and hit her...I finally understood how much hubby must hate me, if I had not thrown up that morning, if we had not quarreled, if....In his heart, I am indirectly the killer of his mother.
Hubby moved into mother's room and came home every night with a strong liquor smell on him. And me, I am buried under the guilt and self-pity and could hardly breathe. I wanted to explain to him, tell him that we are going to have our baby soon, but each time, I saw the dead look in his eyes, all the words I have at the brink of my mouth just fell back in. I had rather he hit me real hard or give me a big and thorough scolding though none of these events happening had been my fault at all.
Many days of suffocating silence went by and as the days went by, hubby came home later and later. The deadlock between us continues, we were living together like strangers who don't know each other. I am like the dead knot in his heart. One day, I passed by a western restaurant, looking into the glass window, I saw hubby and a girl sitting facing each other and he very lightly brushed her hair for her, I understood what it meant. After recovering from that moment of shock, I entered the restaurant, stood in front of my hubby and stared hard at him, not a tear in my eyes. I have nothing to say to him, and there is no need to say anything. The girl looked at me, looks at hubby, stands up and wanted to go, hubby stretched out his hand and stopped her. He stared back at me,challenging me. I can only hear my slow heart beat, beating, one by one as if at the brink of death. I eventually backed down, if I had stood that any longer, I will collapse together with the baby inside me. That night, he did not come home; he had chosen to use that as a way to indicate to me: Following mother's death so did our love for each other.
He did not come home anymore after that. Sometimes, when I returned home from work, I can tell that the cupboard had been touched - he had returned to take some of his stuff. I no longer wish to call him; the initial desire to explain everything to him vanished. I lived alone; I go for my medical checkups alone, my heart breaks again and again every time I see a guy carefully helping his wife through the physical examination. My office colleagues hinted to me to consider aborting the baby, I told them No, I will not.. I insisted on having to this baby, perhaps it is my way of repaying mother for causing her death.
One day, I came home and I saw hubby sitting in the living room. The whole house was filled with cigarette smoke. On the coffee table, there was this piece of paper. I know what it is all about without even looking at it. In the two months plus of living alone, I have gradually learned to find peace within myself. I looked at him, removed my hat and said: "You wait a while, I will sign." He looked at me, mixed feelings in his eyes, just like mine. As I hang up my coat, I keep repeating to myself "You cannot cry, you cannot cry..." my eyes hurt terribly, but I refused to let tears come out from there. After I hung up my coat, hubby's eyes stared fixed at my bulging tummy. I smiled, walked over to the coffee table and pulled the paper towards me. Without even looking at what it says, I signed my name on it and pushed the paper to him. "LD, are you pregnant?" Since mother's accident, this is the first time he spoke to me. I could not control my tears any further and they fell like raindrops. I said: "Yes, but its ok, you can leave now." He did not go, in the dark, we sat, facing each other. Hubby slowly moved over me, his tears wet the blanket. In my heart, everything seems so far away, so far that even if I sprint, I could never reach them. I cannot remember how many times he repeated "sorry" to me. I had originally thought that I would forgive him, but now I can't. In the western restaurant, in front of that girl, that cold look in his eyes, I will never forget, ever. We have drawn such deep scars in each other's heart. For me, it's unintentional; for him, totally intentional. I had been waiting for this moment of reconciliation, but I realized now, what had gone past is gone forever and could not repeated.
Other than the thought of the baby inside me that would bring some warmth to my heart, I am totally cold towards him, I no longer eat anything he buys for me, I don't take any presents from him and I stopped talking to him. From the moment I signed on that piece of paper, marriage and love had vanished from my heart. Sometimes, hubby will try to come into the bedroom, but when he walks in, I will walk out to the living room. He had no choice but to sleep in mother's room. At night, from his room, I can hear light sounds of groaning, I kept quiet.. This used to be his trick; last time, whenever I ignore him, he would fake illness and I will surrender and find out what is wrong with him, he would then grab me and laugh. He has forgotten that last time I cared for him and am concerned because there was love, but now, what is there between us? Hubby's groaning came on and off continuing but I continuously ignored him.
Almost every day, he would buy something for the baby, infant products, children products and books that kids like to read. Bags and bags of it stacked inside his room till it is full. I know he is trying to use this to reach out to me, but I am no longer moved by his actions. He has no choice but to lock himself in his room and I can hear his typing away on his computer keyboard, maybe he is now addicted to web surfing but none of that matters to me anymore.
It was sometime towards the end of spring in the following year, one late night, I screamed because of a sudden stomach pain, hubby came rushing into the room, its like he did not change and sleep, and had been waiting for this moment. He carried me and ran down the stairs, stopped a car, holding my hand very tightly and kept wiping the sweat off my brow, throughout the journey to the hospital. Once we reached the hospital, he carried me and hurried into the delivery suite. Lying on the back of his skinny but warmth body, a thought crossed my mind: In my lifetime, who else would love me as much as he did? He held the delivery suite door opened and watch me go in; his warm eyes caused me to manage a smile at him despite my contraction pain. Coming out of the delivery room, hubby looked at our son and me, eyes tear with joy and he kept smiling. I reached out and touched his hand. Hubby looked at me, smiling and then he slowly collapsed onto the floor. I cried out for him in pain... He smiled, but without opening that tired eyes of his... I had thought that I would never shed any tear for him, but the truth is, I have never felt a deeper pain cutting through my body at that moment. Doctor said that by the time hubby discovered he had liver cancer, it was already in terminal stage and it was a miracle that he managed to last this long. I asked the doctor when he first discovered he had cancer. Doctor said about 5 months ago and consoled me saying: "Prepare for his funeral."
I disregarded the nurse's objection and rushed home, I went into his room and checked his computer, and a suffocating pain hits me. Hubby's cancer was discovered 5 months ago, his groaning was real, and I had thought that... the computer showed over 200 thousand words he wrote for our son:
"Son, just for you, I have persisted, to be able to take a look at you before I fall, is my biggest wish now.... I know that in your life, you will have many happiness and maybe some setbacks, if only I can accompany you throughout that journey, how nice would it be. But daddy now no longer has that chance. Daddy has written inside here all the possible difficulties and problems you may encounter during your lifetime, when you meet with these problems, you can refer to daddy's suggestion ... Son, after writing these 200 thousand words, I feel as if I have accompanied you through life journey. To be honest, daddy is very happy. Do love your mother, she has suffered, she is the one who loves you most and also the one who loves me most..." From play school to primary school, to secondary, university, to work and even in dealing with questions of love, everything big and small was written there.
Hubby has also written a letter for me:
"My dear, to marry you is my biggest happiness, forgive me for the pain I have caused you, forgive me for not telling you my illness, because I want to see you be in a joyful mood waiting for the arrival of our baby...My dear, if you cried, it means that you have forgiven me and I would smile, thank you for loving me...These presents, I'm afraid I cannot give them to our son personally, could you help me to give some of them to him every year, the dates on what to give when are all written on the packaging... "
Going back to the hospital, hubby is still in coma. I brought our son over and place him beside him. I said: "Open your eyes and smile, I want our son to remember being in the warmth of your arms..." He struggled to open his eyes and managed a weak smile. Our son still in his arms was happily waving his tiny hands in the air. I press the button on the camera and the sound of the shutter rang through the air as tears slowly rolled down my face.... A fatal misunderstanding and the person who loves me the most in this world is gone forever..."Cruel misunderstandings one after another disrupted the blissful footsteps to our family. Our originals intend of having Mother enjoy some quiet and peaceful moments in her remaining years with us went terribly wrong as destiny's secret is finally revealed at a price, everything became too late."........
This is a true story.
LEARNING POINT - DO NOT EVER HOLD ON TO OFFENCES!!!
I am totally speechless, this story brought tears to my eyes as I read through each line eager to know what would happen next. It truly showed the devastating power of grudges and anger! Simple humility and communication would have resolved most of the problems in that story, as well as patience.... This story has really touched my heart and life as a whole and it has stimulated a paradigm shift. Though it is very sad, it is also very refreshing to know that from today, I can consciously start to live a life free of grudge. People please let's live a life devoid of grudge. Communication is key.
Take greatest care and live on.
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